Quick quiz: How do you pronounce "Helaine"?
A. Hell-ayne.
B. Hell-ayne.
C. Mel-anie.
D. Hel-een.
E. Hel-en/Hel-en-a.
F. Mortimer.
I've written before, in this space and feature-story wise, about names in general. In particular, I've discussed what a challenge it seems to be for many to pronounce my name.
For years I thought I was alone ... not only in being named Helaine, but also in hearing that name butchered on a regular basis. Then I stumbled upon the Ms. Helaineous Club, the international online group of women named Helaine. I found out I was not only not alone in bearing this name, but that just about all those who shared my name had been called Helen, Helene, Eileen, Ellen, Helena, Elaine and Melanie.
The correct answer is A. Hell-ayne.
My husband, Dre, has a double challenge. His first name is Renarda, so he's dealt not only with having to prove to creditors and government officials that he's a man, but also with hearing his name mispronounced. He's been called Renaldo, Raynaldo, Geraldo, Rene, Reginald (sometimes "Reg"), Ronald, Renida. The worst one was "Retard" -- emphasis on the second syllable -- which he was repeatedly called by the boyfriend of a late ex-coworker ... despite his girlfriend's profanity-laced attempts to correct him.
Properly pronounced, it's Ren-ar-da.
Ironically, Dre and I were named by mothers whose own names were quite common -- Audrey and Betty, who each apparently wanted her progeny not only to have a better life than she, but also have a fancier name.
Lately we've had to face another realization. Those with unusual or outlandish names are not alone in having their names slaughtered.
"Dre" is a shortened version of Hubby's middle name, Andre. Some of the things he's actually called:
Drew. Which I guess isn't so bad, considering that "Andre" is French for "Andrew."
Dree.
Trey.
And our favorite -- coming from a tipsy patron at an event I covered for the newspaper a few years back: Drooie. I shudder to think what I'd be called if I went by my middle name, Raye. ("Hey, Rooie!")
Doing some online snooping, I saw a forum where a man named Daniel complained of being called Danielle. Despite his having one of the top 10 most common first names, "it happens more than you would think," he writes. And God help those whose names have a simple spelling but a more complicated pronunciation, such as actress Anna (AH-na) Faris or Ralph Fiennes (pronounced Rafe Fines).
There are also the unfortunate folks who have common first names, but get their last names butchered. Bobby, one of my editors, has heard some interesting pronunciations of his surname, Ampezzan. Editor and fellow columnist Jennifer Christman has had no problems with "Jennifer," but has been called "Christine" on the basis of her last name, which is also periodically pronounced "Christmas" or "CHRIST-man."
"All of my life I had wanted a beautiful last name," writes Jill Uchiyama in the same forum in which Daniel commented. "A name that other people could call out in a microphone and not inflict silence on a room."
I hate to think what people from other countries have to go through to get their names pronounced correctly here. (I think specifically of my former physician, a Sri Lanka native whose first name is Priyantha and whose last name was shortened by the doctor's office staff. I shudder to think what he might be called by those who have had trouble with "Dre.")
Whether our name is Ann or Anastasia, John or Johannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus, we all deserve to have our names pronounced correctly. Accidental mispronunciations are inevitable -- and often make for a good laugh. But for better relationships, business and otherwise, we'd do well to at least try to pronounce our fellow man's name ... or at least not mangle their nicknames. As someone who values the Golden Rule, I'm always embarrassed when I pronounce a name incorrectly. Often I'll ask, "Is this how to say your name"? and take a stab at it.
Even Siri, the guru of the iPhone, can be trained in how to pronounce names correctly.
Come to think of it, I'd best check my pronunciation of Siri.
It's pronounced EE-may-il:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 07/26/2015