Primates of Park Avenue: It's the prime book for women parked in pool chairs or plane seats this summer.
Here's how publisher Simon & Schuster describes Primates, a tell-all about one of New York's -- not to mention America's -- most exclusive, expensive neighborhoods: "Wednesday Martin decodes the primate social behaviors of Upper East Side mothers in a brilliantly original and witty memoir about her adventures assimilating into that most secretive and elite tribe."
I went bananas, downloading the Primates eBook version immediately following its June 2 release and devoting a better part of a poolside weekend to reading it. And it didn't disappoint. At first.
It was interesting being introduced to a world with "drivers and nannies and helicopter rides to the Hamptons," cutthroat nursery schools, "apartments so big and with ceilings so high that they can and do have full size bouncy castles inside," and "jaw-dropping purchases (among the women I know 'presale' is a verb, and dropping $10,000 at Bergdorf Goodman or Barneys in a day is not necessarily a big deal)."
Martin -- who earned her doctorate in comparative literature and cultural studies, with a focus on anthropology, from Yale and also taught cultural studies and literature there -- brings an intellectual approach to the seemingly shallow subject matter.
"My goal, initially, was to assimilate while keeping a distance from the stress and madness and competitiveness of Upper East Side mommy culture," she writes before admitting, "but, like anthropologists the world over, eventually found myself 'going native'" and identifying with her subjects. So much so that she succumbed to an obsessive quest for a Birkin Bag -- purses with three-year waiting lists and five- and six-figure price tags -- and justifies it with anthropological terminology ("Like a totem object, I believed it might protect me from them, these ladies who were everywhere in my adopted habitat and who said so much without a word, using only their eyes and their faces and, always, their handbags").
Correction, justifies it with an overabundance of anthropological terminology. With constant references to primatology, scientists and studies, it gets boring quickly.
My friend Lisa Fischer, also reading the book, texted that she needed "more dirt, less anthropologist talk. ... Where are the bonus wives I've heard about? Is there any hair pulling? Where is the Countess and Bethenny [from Real Housewives of New York] for crying out loud? #primatesofparkavenue."
Oooh, bonus wives! I was only on Page 43 and couldn't wait to get to that part! Finally, Primates would become a barrel of monkeys!
Never mind. Another text from Lisa: "Oh, and I stand to be corrected. Someone on Facebook called it 'bonus wife,' but the term is 'wife bonus.'" Martin writes that some women get year-end bonuses from their husbands, "as if they were employees rather than partners."
Shortly after that exchange, I got another message, this one on Facebook, alerting me to a New York Post expose about Primates ("Upper East Side housewife's tell-all book is full of lies") and its author Wednesday Martin ... who might not even be named Wednesday, but rather, plain old Wendy!
Researching property records, the Post says Martin only lived on the Upper East Side a mere three years (2004 to 2007), not the six she says. She claimed to be pregnant and on bed rest with her first son while being interviewed -- literally in bed -- by a co-op board, but her first son was born years before, in 2001. And while she speaks of two sons and their Upper East Side play dates, she didn't have a second son until 2007, after they had moved. She mentions patronizing businesses -- Physique 57 fitness center, Laduree macaron shop -- that weren't around during those years, and even drops a reference to Uber, not available in the city until 2011.
Cary Goldstein of Simon & Schuster tells The New York Times: "It is a common narrative technique in memoirs for some names, identifying characteristics and chronologies to be adjusted or disguised, and that is the case with Primates of Park Avenue."
Still, Simon & Schuster will add a disclaimer to future print and electronic versions of the book, clarifying that details and dates were changed to hide the identities of women in Primates.
Sounds like monkey business to me.
Monkey see, monkey email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Style on 06/14/2015