DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: How do you know how much to spend on a wedding present? I've made a lot of money in recent years, and my wife and I have found a great gift for our niece who is getting married this summer -- something that costs about $1,200. She's the first of eight nephews and nieces to be getting married, and we're fond of all of them, so we don't mind setting the precedent of an expensive gift. The problem is, we have two children of our own who are likely to be tying the knot in the not-too-distant future, and we wouldn't want our siblings and their spouses to feel they had to spend anywhere near that much money on our kids' wedding presents. Nor would we want anyone to think we were showing off. What should we do?
-- Feeling Awkward
DEAR F.A.: Buy your niece and her husband a nice gift in what you think is your siblings' price range for family wedding presents. Then, after she has been married for two or three months, you can give her that $1,200 item as a housewarming gift. As long as you present the gift without fanfare, your relatives will have no reason to feel that you're either showboating or expecting them to reciprocate when your children get married.
P.S. You may be overthinking this. Wealthier family members have been going big on wedding gifts since grooms wore togas, and they've been met with very little disapproval. Just don't try going cheap.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: When I bought my brother's car from him, I paid the amount he asked without quibbling. He told me I was paying a premium, but I assumed that it was modest and had to do with the car being well cared for and in good condition. Only later did I check out some car sites on the Web, where I discovered that he charged me $3,000 more than they say the car was worth. I'm furious. Shouldn't I demand that he give me some money back?
-- E.
DEAR E.: Demand? No. But ask, yes.
Remember, you voluntarily agreed to pay the price your brother put forward, and you did so knowing full well that you could easily double-check the car's value online. He even told you you'd be paying a premium, so it scarcely sounds as if your brother was trying to cheat you. Most importantly, though, the two of you had a deal, and you can't insist on changing the terms after you've driven off with the car.
That said, you appear to have good reason to believe you overpaid for it. So sit down with your brother, show him the prices you found online and ask him how he'd feel about giving you some money back. But lose the fury. It's rarely persuasive, and in this case, it's completely inappropriate.
Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at
Questions@MoneyManners.net
Family on 06/17/2015