Money Manners

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I've always thought the man my sister is living with was a little shady. Now I've found out that he's claiming a condo near Lake Tahoe as a second home, when in fact he's renting it out and not reporting the income on his taxes. Should I report him to the IRS?

-- Anne

DEAR ANNE: Only if you want your sister to hate you. Not that we condone tax evasion, but the United States is not a totalitarian state, where people are expected to turn in their fellow citizens to the government. If you are genuinely offended by your sister's boyfriend's unethical behavior, you wouldn't be wrong to report him. But if your real agenda is to prove to your sister that you're right about her boyfriend's character -- if you're just playing "gotcha" here -- then you have no business sicking the IRS on this man.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My friend "Marissa" and I sometimes swap cars. I like to take her Jeep to the beach, and she uses my Jetta whenever she has houseguests. Since her parents were in town last week, we swapped, and on the second day I had it, the Jeep began leaking engine coolant. The mechanic I took it to said the water pump had worn out (the Jeep is 13 years old). So I paid him $475 to replace the pump, and assumed Marissa would reimburse me. After all, the Jeep was virtually undriveable, and I hadn't damaged her car -- an engine part simply had worn out. When I explained the situation to her, Marissa reluctantly agreed to pay. But then her friend "Trevor" called me, angry as heck. He claimed that since the car was in my possession at the time the problem arose, I was obligated to pay for at least half of the repair. He also insisted that if Marissa has to pay the entire $475, there's a good chance she'll never lend her Jeep to either of us again. He said that, to keep this from happening, he'd be willing to pay for a third of the repair if I'd be willing to pay for another third. What do you think?

-- Logan

DEAR LOGAN: We think that none of this is Trevor's business, and you have no obligation to concern yourself with his wishes or his needs.

You're right that the $475 bill is Marissa's responsibility, not yours, both because the only reason her Jeep was in your possession when the water pump failed is that you were doing her a favor by lending her your car and because a water pump is not something a driver can break (we're assuming that you haven't put thousands more miles on her Jeep than she's put on your Jetta).

Getting back to Trevor, it's not as if he's being generous; he's simply looking out for himself. Go along with his proposal, and you'll be inviting Marissa to ask you to help pay for every other part that wears out on her 13-year-old car.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at

Questions@MoneyManners.net

Family on 06/24/2015

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