Cue the dramatic music.
"You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Judith Sheindlin. The people are real! The cases are real! The rulings are final! This ... is Judge Judy!"
And with that, another thrilling case gets underway. In the one I found online to get the above intro just right, some young 20-year-old was suing her 20-year-old former live-in boyfriend for rent, the cost of a big-screen TV and damage to their apartment.
Sounds like true love gone bad. Real bad.
"All rise."
Judge Judy strides in, sits down, arches an eyebrow, launches her iconic icy stare and zings, "I usually don't like to prejudge things, Mr. LaChance, but I think you're not a very honorable person."
Oh, snap. The kid's doomed. May as well pull out the checkbook, apologize and crawl back under whatever rock from which he came.
It was vintage, predictable, juicy Judge Judy. That's why viewers love her.
Sheindlin, 72, is a former family court judge who has turned her televised small-claims court into daytime TV's most popular half hour.
Half hour? The thing airs on KARK-TV, Channel 4, for two hours (new and repeats) every weekday at 3 p.m., and in Northwest Arkansas for an hour at 2 p.m. on KFTA-TV, Channel 24.
It's safe to say Judge Judy, syndicated by CBS Television Distribution, is playing somewhere 24/7. And that's a guarantee for the next five years.
According to a CNN report, Sheindlin has extended her contract through 2020. The show had already been set through 2017.
"I'm thrilled to be working with my CBS family for five more years," Sheindlin said in a statement. And why not? There's no heavy lifting and TV Guide has reported her current salary at $47 million a year. I'll let that sink in.
That paycheck makes Sheindlin the highest-paid personality on all of television. By far. And she only works 52 days a year.
Judge Judy is in its 19th season and has been No. 1 in daytime for the past five years. How popular is it? According to Nielsen, during the week ending Feb. 15, Judge Judy was seen by an average of 10.1 million viewers each episode. There are prime-time programs that would kill for those ratings.
Judge Judy's numbers swamp the No. 2 daytime show, Dr. Phil, which tallies just under 5 million.
How can Sheindlin demand -- and get -- such a salary for a job she could phone in? The Associated Press notes that during 2013, the last full year for which figures are available, Kantar Media reported that Judge Judy earned $136.8 million in revenue.
That's how.
The diminutive Sheindlin (she's 5-foot-1) was born Judith Susan Blum in Brooklyn and got her law degree from New York Law School in 1965.
New York Mayor Ed Koch appointed her a criminal court judge in 1982. She was promoted to Manhattan's family court in 1986 where she made a reputation for her no-nonsense rulings and acerbic wit.
After 20,000 cases, Sheindlin retired from the bench in 1996. Judge Judy launched that same year. The rest is history.
• Sharknado! Here's big news for fans of the toothy schlock. Syfy has announced that Dallas Mavericks owner and Shark Tank star Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in the third installment of the Sharknado TV movie series.
The rain of sharks is set to to premiere in July and terrorize Washington before moving down the coast to Florida.
There's more. Conservative commentator and author Ann Coulter will be Cuban's vice president.
I'm betting Cuban and Coulter will be dispatched in most gruesome ways.
More? Bo Derek will have a cameo as April Wexler's (Tara Reid) mother, Jerry Springer will play manic tourist Mr. White, and NSYNC singer Chris Kirkpatrick will be a pool lifeguard.
And relax, C-list fans. Ian Ziering will return as our hero Finley "Fin" Shepard.
• Duggars back. I got an email from a reader wanting to know when the new season of 19 Kids & Counting would begin. Yikes! Too many channels. The season kicked off Feb. 17 at 8 p.m. on TLC, the cable outfit formerly known as The Learning Channel.
You can catch up with missed episodes at tlc.com.
This season features more babies on the way and new sons-in-law.
You'll recall that last season, Jim Bob and Michelle gave Jill away to Derick Dillard. Naturally, Jill quickly found out she was expecting. So, we'll get it all "from ultrasounds to birthing classes."
This past November viewers followed along as daughter Jessa got engaged to Ben Seewald. So, there's a wedding with a guest list of more than 1,000 to anticipate.
Meanwhile, Josh and Anna are in Washington and expecting their fourth child (a girl) in July. Back in Arkansas, "Jim Bob and Michelle cherish each moment with the 17 kids still at home."
I guess it'll be a while before Michelle gets empty nest syndrome.
The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Email:
mstorey@arkansasonline.com
Style on 03/10/2015