I'm not going to try to be funny today.
Nor try to make you giggle.
Because that way neither of us can get into any trouble.
Surely you've noticed that anyone who attempts any kind of humor these days is immediately crucified in the court of social media and branded racist, insensitive, sexist, etc.
Let's rewind to the Oscars.
Actor Sean Penn joked when presenting multiple winner Mexican director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu with yet another honor -- Best Picture for Birdman: "Who gave this son of a b**** his green card?"
Admittedly, I laughed. Yes, it referenced the hot-button issue of immigration, but I interpreted it as a lighthearted, good-natured jest Penn made to a friend he held in high esteem. Who could take offense at that?
Well, everyone. Twitter was teeming with tweets such as "Sean Penn's 'joke' was rude, racist, inappropriate and representative of the whiteness of the Oscars." (The lack of diversity was joked about by host Neil Patrick Harris who said: "Today we honor Hollywood's best and whitest. Sorry, brightest." Such quips were considered off-color by some, and Harris has since said he likely won't return.)
Everyone seemed outraged except Inarritu himself, who was quoted by the New York Daily News as saying: "I found it hilarious. Sean and I have that kind of brutal relation where only true friendship can survive."
The Oscars fallout didn't stop there.
The next night on E!'s Fashion Police -- the comic-style commentary show established by the late, wisecracking Joan Rivers -- panelist Giuliana Rancic made a remark about dreadlocked, Bohemian-chic Zendaya Coleman's Oscars ensemble: "I feel like she smells like patchouli oil. Or weed."
Admittedly, I laughed at the hippie comparison -- that's what I interpreted it to mean. (Like me, Rancic is a University of Maryland grad from about the same time as me. We could have hung out in the very same Grateful Dead parking lot at Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium in Washington.)
But Coleman was offended by Rancic's "ignorant slurs," as was the Twittersphere. Despite multiple apologies from Rancic, fellow Fashion Police star Kelly Osbourne quit the show in protest. (The final joke might be Osbourne; is there much demand for "rock star's daughter" in the job marketplace?)
Recently there was outrage about a Saturday Night Live skit. A man drops his daughter off sentimentally as she begins the next chapter of her life. Surprise, she's joining the Islamic State, a reference to the extremist group's recruitment of Westerners, especially teenage girls.
Admittedly I laughed, after I gasped in that "Did they really just do that?" way. But others were not amused. Among the tweets: "Dear #SNL, jokes about Isis are not funny. See how much you laugh when you have to see your loved one(s) being slaughtered. No respect."
No respect, yes. No respect for free expression or satire. In this information age, we have more ways to communicate than ever, and yet we're having to be more censored about our opinions than ever out of fear of being misunderstood and subject to public shaming.
Not Sean Penn, who refuses to say he's sorry for his green card joke.
"I have absolutely no apologies," Penn told The Associated Press.
"In fact, I have a big f*** you for ... anybody who is so stupid not to have gotten the irony when you've got a country that is so xenophobic," he was quoted as saying.
Beyond xenophobia -- having a fear or hatred of foreigners -- we might have another complex.
Geliophobia: A fear of laughter.
No joke, I'd like you to email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
Style on 03/15/2015