Money Manners

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: In the Hispanic community, couples getting married often ask several close friends to be their "godfathers." Each godfather then pays for a major wedding expense, such as the reception hall or the band. I've been a godfather for several couples, and it's been expensive, really expensive. Now another friend, a guy who's marrying his longtime boyfriend, has asked me to be his godfather. I want to say "no" because I just don't have the money. But I feel bad about doing so, because many in my community disapprove of gay marriage, and I'm afraid my friend doesn't have a lot of other people he can ask to be a godfather. What should I do?

-- Rafael

DEAR RAFAEL: Relax. This is a wedding your buddy is friend-sourcing, not a kidney transplant. And as unromantic as it may sound, weddings can always be downscaled, or even postponed. So tell your friend what you've told us, and don't feel guilty when you do. This has nothing to do with his sexual orientation. The scarcity of godfathers notwithstanding, you shouldn't be going into debt to pay for the band at anyone's wedding.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My father has owned a vacation property in northern Michigan for many years. Now that Dad's getting older, he's considering signing the property over to my brother and me. I love this place and have spent lots of time and money helping Dad maintain it. I also love my brother. But he's perennially short on funds and time, and I know I'll wind up paying all the bills and doing all the work. I'd be happy to buy my brother out, but he loves the cottage too, and he won't want to sell. I'd also be happy to have him buy me out, but he'll never have the money to pay me. Is there a way to set things up so that if we own the property together, my brother will be forced to carry his weight, financially and otherwise?

-- J.V.

DEAR J.V.: You probably can arrange to have your brother's obligations spelled out in a contract, but so what? The contract won't do you any good unless you'd be willing to take your brother to court if he fails to live up to his end of the agreement.

So, since your father still owns the property, start by discussing your concerns with him (he's unlikely to be surprised). Specifically, ask him, in deeding the property to the two of you, to put in a provision that allows either of you to buy out the other one and that requires that the cottage be sold if you can't arrive at a deal. That way, you can buy the property on the open market if your brother won't agree to sell you his share. Or, of course, you can sell out.

And cheer up. Your father is trying to give you a gift, not a burden. He should be happy to accommodate you.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at

Questions@MoneyManners.net

Family on 05/06/2015

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