Spin Cycle

Beware of spells, warn Ariel, Belle

Dearest Charlotte Elizabeth Diana,

Welcome to the world, Princess!

We're thrilled for your parents, William and Kate, and all the other royals. It's been a long 65 years since Princess Anne was born this high up in the line of succession. So in the meantime, little girls have been looking to us -- the Disney Princesses -- for inspiration with wardrobe selection, castle life and prince snagging.

As you're new to crowns and gowns, we thought we would give your royal highness some advice from our experience:

Aurora (Sleeping Beauty): Don't make evil witches angry. Oh, and avoid spinning wheels. Prick your finger on the spindle -- according to a curse -- and you'll fall into a deathlike sleep and have to be kissed by a prince (what's with this odd, repetitive storyline anyway? Disney never heard of morning breath?).

Snow White: Don't be so cute as to outshine and enrage your mother figure. You'll end up running away from home, cooking and cleaning for a bunch of men, being tricked into eating a poison apple, falling into a deep sleep, being kissed by some strange dude (OK, he turns out to be a prince, but that's still creepy, right?) and then married off -- and all this at the age of 14!

Cinderella: Never wear comfortable shoes. It's the ill-fitting glass slipper (ouch!) that gets you the prince, and out of doing chores forever, baby girl.

Ariel (The Little Mermaid): Take swimming lessons and singing lessons. You can woo the prince that you water rescue with your voice (well, until the Sea Witch takes your voice, kidnaps and tries to kill you).

Belle (Beauty and The Beast): That hairy brute of a guy with a hair-trigger temper and bad table manners might turn out to be a prince. Yeah, and candlesticks and teapots sing and dance, too.

Jasmine (Aladdin): When you tire of ritzy, sheltered palace life, go out on magic carpet ride adventures. Right, well, a private jet is probably just as good.

Pocahontas: In the end, don't go off with the guy -- stay with your family. You can always go off with a different guy in the direct-to-video sequel.

Mulan: Sometimes the best man for the job is a woman ... dressed like a man.

Tiana (The Princess and The Frog): Kiss a frog and he might turn out to be a prince ... of course, you might turn into a frog, too.

Rapunzel (Tangled): Good hair is everything.

Meridia (Brave): Relations between daughters and mothers can be a real bear.

Queen Elsa (Frozen): Sometimes you just have to chill out and "Let It Go."

We wish you a fairy-tale existence. May you live happily ever after.

Love,

The Disney Princesses

The jewel in the crowns is your email:

jchristman@arkansasonline.com

Spin Cycle is a weekly report of the woman 'hood.

Style on 05/10/2015

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