Money Manners

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: A young woman bought the house next door about five years ago. Since then she has let the property run down in many ways. But what troubles me most is that her redwood tree has now broken through the fence between our backyards in several places. "Carla" has filled the resulting gaps with plastic bags, bags which are now rat- and insect-infested. While I've offered to split the cost of removing the tree and repairing the fence, she insists that no one touch her redwood. On the contrary, Carla recently suggested that we discuss how we can best "honor" the tree. What should I do? A real estate agent tells me there's no way I could sell my house with this mess in my backyard. (Just so you know, this redwood is not a protected tree. My neighbor has the right to cut it down.)

-- Former Tree Lover,

Sacramento, Calif.

DEAR FTL: It is a truth known to every California suburbanite: Big redwoods can make bad neighbors.

As for what to do, insist that this one's owner honor your property rights. But first, make sure you know what they are. In particular, find out whether local ordinances allow you to remove portions of the tree that have encroached on your property. And consider consulting a lawyer who specializes in neighbor disputes. With apologies to Joyce Kilmer, while only God can make a tree, sometimes only a lawyer can budge an intractable neighbor.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: When she cleaned out my parents' home after they died, my sister took all the expensive items she'd given them as gifts. Since Mom and Dad's wills didn't specify who should get what in their house, shouldn't their household belongings have been divided equally among all three of their heirs? Or shouldn't there at least have been a discussion about who should get the things my sister gave Mom and Dad? My brother insists they wanted him to have the wide-screen TV that came from her, and he's furious. I'm not happy either.

-- Indignant

DEAR INDIGNANT: Was your sister being high-handed when she helped herself to the expensive gifts she gave your parents without talking it over with you and your brother? Absolutely. And if your parents left their entire estate to be equally divided among the three of you, were her gifts to your parents as much your property as hers? You bet. After all, she gave, not lent, those items to your mother and father, so they no longer belonged to her.

Still, do you and your brother really think your sister's pricey gifts to your parents should be treated as loot for the two of you to divvy up? It's common -- and typically agreeable to all the heirs -- for gifts given to parents to be offered first to the children who gave them. And that seems fair to us.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at

Questions@MoneyManners.net

Family on 05/13/2015

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