Guest writer

Dear graduates ...

Some advice before you go

It is the month of May, and graduates of high schools and colleges across this great land of ours are being subjected to high falutin' oratory from speakers designed to inspire them to go out into the world armed with their degrees and student-loan debt and make something of themselves. Graduations are also about the only occasion that most people will hear the music of Sir Edward Elgar.

Anyway, I don't remember much about any of the speeches that I have endured during the various matriculations from the schools I attended. Actually, I don't remember anything. But, despite reposing trust in the certain knowledge that nobody in their right mind would ever ask me to address a graduating class, I wrote a graduation speech that ran in the old Gazette about 30 years ago. I don't remember anything in it either. But the following is what I think I would say now in a graduation speech after experiencing the benefit of being older if not exactly wiser.

So here goes, Class of 2015.


I hate to break it to you, but you will never get really good at your profession until you are at least 35. Everything up till then is a learning process. Not that the learning process comes to a grinding halt at that time. You just get more efficient at what you choose to retain.

Never vote for anybody who runs for public office on a platform of honesty and integrity.

The biggest lie in the world is contained in the phrase, "I know how you feel." Unless you really do know.

Any man that beats a woman or a child is a coward. Period. End of story.

You will find that, 90 percent of the time, people that want a book banned have not read the book they propose to remove from circulation. I invite you to consider the absurdity of this.

Every successful person got a little lucky somewhere along the way. That would include you.

Never tell anybody to go to hell unless you can make them go yourself.

Life is way too short to work for or be married to a malignant narcissist. Look it up.

Ever heard the saying to the effect that you should strive always to be kind because you don't know the hell the other person is going through? It's 100 percent true.

Back in the day at Hendrix, Dr. Christie said that one should resist the temptation to make God do what the Bible says. This remains sensible advice even at this late date.

Tobacco products. Are you kidding me?

Remember this: What consenting adults do with each other in private is pretty much none of your damned business.

John Wesley's exhortation to "do all the good you can," along with the Golden Rule, seems to be a pretty good template for running a life. Not that you will be able to live up to it all the time. I sure don't. But I'm trying to do better. That's all you can do.

I hear that girls are, on the average, more expensive than boys in the long run. I will be happy to refer you to any of a number of dads that can confirm this.

Competent people second-guess themselves all of the time, whereas incompetents tend not to. Really. Studies have proven this. Anyway, you can learn a lot just by asking a colleague if you can bounce something off him or her.

If you support one of those museums where humans are depicted cavorting with dinosaurs, they should revoke your diploma.

Having an opinion is like being a modest gentleman with an expensive watch. You don't put it on display until someone asks for the time.

I am told there's no pain like experiencing the death of a child. My grandmother told me that when we buried my father. I lost one of my best friends in 2010. Still not a week goes by that I don't think of him. I hope you are spared. Unfortunately, the longer you live, the more pain you will experience. It comes with the territory.

Everybody thinks they can practice law and coach youth sports. I've done both. It ain't that easy.

I suppose I could go on, but really that's about all I know.

Except one more thing. Maybe this will be the only part of this speech you remember. The sheer wonder of it all won't hit you until you are in your 50s, or until your own child walks the stage in a cap and gown. And it will be both heavy and wonderful in equal measure.

Good luck, Class of 2015. Do your best. I hope it works out for you.

------------v------------

Arthur Paul Bowen is a writer and retired lawyer living in Little Rock.

Editorial on 05/23/2015

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