Survivor: domestic violence real, not to be ignored

Denial is one of the chief problems inherent to domestic violence, said Ashley Weaver, victims' advocate with The Purple Ribbon in Fayetteville.

"We make domestic violence out to be not a big deal and then somebody dies," Weaver said.

She knows firsthand the problem of denial and how deadly it can be. It wasn't until she found herself struggling with her husband for control of a shotgun that she found the will to change.

Last week police and advocates gathered to recognize the close of October as domestic violence awareness month.

Arkansas law, which took effect in July, requires officers responding to domestic assault to provide an informational card. They're also required to complete a lethality assessment, asking victims if they have had a weapon used against them, been threatened, choked, spied upon, if their partner is or has been suicidal or if they are recently separated from an abusive partner.

Spokesmen for Bentonville, Fayetteville, Rogers and Springdale said they already provided information when on domestic violence calls, but the lethality questions are new.

Those questions are designed for the victims so they can grasp the situation, said Glynn Bertrand, Bentonville domestic violence detective. The list also helps officers ask the right questions during what can be an intense situation, he said. And those questions are coming right after the incident, not days later when an abuser may have told the victim not to talk or may have temporarily smoothed things over.

Ashley and Devin Weaver were childhood best friends, high school sweethearts and married on a Valentine's Day.

"We did so much together," she said.

That didn't mean their marriage was smooth. Police were called once to their home for a domestic violence incident in the first year of the six they spent together as a couple, she said. The violence escalated in their last three years together. She isn't sure how many times the police were called, but it might have been 10. It was too many, she says.

Finally, they decided to separate. They would have joint custody of the children. He would move out of state. She would buy his plane ticket.

Leaving a relationship where there has been domestic violence can be a necessary but dangerous step, advocates say. That is what happened for Ashley.

On Feb. 12, 2014, Ashley Weaver called police from their rural Rogers home. They had just started divorce proceedings a few days earlier, but were still living together. Devin Weaver had been out drinking and she was worried that he'd come back mad. She remembers telling the dispatcher she didn't think he'd hurt her, but asked deputies to come anyway. Operators tried to call her back, according to court records, but she didn't answer.

Devin Weaver broke in a glass door and hit her in the eye so hard she thought it was dislodged from its socket, Ashley said. She was wiping away the blood when she saw him with the gun, and then he started to beat her with it and kick her in the mouth.

That night he told her the only way things would end was with them both leaving in the same body bag, she said.

As she wrestled for control of the shotgun her life didn't flash before her eyes, she said. Her children's lives did. The things they would never do. The memories they would never make.

"That was the pivot point for me," she said.

She saw a light outside the door and she ran barefoot into the snow. A Benton County deputy grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the way. She screamed at deputies to warn them about the gun and the children inside the house as Devin Weaver ran away from the open door, then fired at a deputy, according court documents.

Leaving had seemed too hard up to that point. She wanted do right by God, by her husband and preserve her family. She wanted life to be good, but it was only good some of the time.

"It's not going to be good just because you want it," Ashley Weaver said.

Victims of domestic assault can be numb to the fact that a relationship just isn't healthy, said John Harmon, domestic violence coordinator for the Rogers Police Department. He hopes the lethality assessment makes the situation more clear to victims.

Bertrand's position was added in July after an internal review determined domestic violence cases were something the city could do better, said Jon Simpson, Bentonville police chief. Rogers added Harmon's domestic violence coordinator position in April 2014. Springdale has a victim advocate with the city attorney's office. Fayetteville has a detective who specializes in domestic violence, but works other cases.

Bertrand and Harmon said their jobs are to follow up with people who have reported domestic assault. Bruises don't show up the day of the injury, and they have to be documented. Bertrand has attended hearings where a victim is seeking an order of protection.

Harmon might end up documenting other instances of abuse when he calls to walk victims through the police process.

Bertrand's goal is to build a solid case where an abuser can be convicted even without victim cooperation. There have to be consequences that follow an investigation, Harmon said. Without a conviction, how much change have officers made, he asked.

Domestic violence is not just about the victim, abusers need help too, Ashley Weaver said.

Even in the middle of the standoff that happened after she left the house Devin Weaver made sure to change a diaper, dress the children for the cold and put juice in sippy cups before he sent them from the house, Ashley Weaver said. Court documents say he resumed firing at police once the children were out of the house. The standoff ended when a deputy shot him.

Even though the end was awful, it was the best outcome for both of them: They lived, she said.

Devin Weaver was sentenced to 16 years in prison for first-degree domestic battery, first-degree terroristic threatening, first-degree false imprisonment, aggravated assault on a family or household member, third-degree domestic battery, two first-degree endangering the welfare of a minor and four counts of aggravated assault for shooting at deputies.

Ashley Weaver works with women coming out of domestic violence through The Purple Ribbon in Fayetteville. She's spoken to teens about healthy relationships. She's told her story to a class of people required to take it because they instigated domestic abuse.

Domestic violence is triggered, said John McGee, executive director of the Northwest Arkansas Women's Shelter. Emotional abuse is dangerous, McGee said, and it can progress to physical abuse.

With one in four women and one in three men victims of domestic violence in their lives, everyone knows someone who has been a victim and everyone is affected, McGee said. The changes in the law haven't swelled numbers at the shelter, but have increased the number of calls and moved those calls closer to the incident, he said.

Domestic violence isn't a family problem, but a community issue, said Amber Lacewell, outreach director for the Northwest Arkansas Women's Shelter. Ten women died in domestic violence situations in Arkansas last year, according to state numbers, Lacewell said. Those numbers are lower than previous years, she said.

The violence is senseless, said Kay Harvey, whose daughter Kelly Davis died in Bentonville in August 2012 in a domestic violence incident.

Domestic violence is a chronic problem, Bentonville Mayor Bob McCaslin told the group. The City Council authorized Bertrand's detective position to deal exclusively with domestic violence in July. An instance of domestic violence occurs every 38 hours in Bentonville, McCaslin said, quoting police statistics.

NW News on 11/02/2015