Starbucks has some customers seeing red and steamed like cappuccino froth.
The plain red cups with green logos that the coffee chain introduced for the 2015 holiday season have angered some ultra-conservative Christian coffee drinkers by not including any Christmas symbols this year.
Wait, when did Starbucks ever have a cross, angels and a manger on its cups?
Never. The outrage is about missing snowflakes, ornaments and reindeer and things that have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ.
It began when Joshua Feuerstein, a backward-ball-cap-adorned former pastor and "social media personality" from Arizona, ranted on Facebook: "Starbucks REMOVED CHRISTMAS from their cups because they hate Jesus. Do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off their brand new cups? That's why they're just plain red."
In his video, which has been watched millions of times, Feuerstein urged customers to tell baristas their name is "Merry Christmas," thereby forcing Starbucks' employees to acknowledge Christ on their seasonal cups.
What do we make of it? After watching the fervorous Feuerstein's video, we know this much: He should consider switching to decaf.
Nevertheless, we wondered if maybe he had any kind of point that could be substantiated by the Bible. Now, coffee wasn't around until the 10th century, so there's no verses about it.
But there are plenty of warnings about "strong drink" in the King James Version. Let's imagine they're referring to coffee (because after all, what beverage could be brawnier than a venti Pike Place Roast?) and use those.
• Deuteronomy 14:26 -- "And thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatsoever thy soul desireth: and thou shalt eat there before the Lord thy God, and thou shalt rejoice."
In other words, enjoy your coffee as a gift from God.
• Proverbs 31:6 -- "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish."
In other words: don't deny morning people their coffee.
• Proverbs 20:1 -- "Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise."
In other words, quit fighting over coffee, you caffeine freaks.
• Proverbs 31:4 -- "It is not for kings to drink wine, Or for rulers to desire strong drink."
In other words, don't be led by anyone who drinks too much coffee.
• Isaiah 5:11 -- "Woe to those who rise early in the morning that they may pursue strong drink."
In other words, live for something more meaningful than coffee.
• Isaiah 28:7 -- "But they also have erred through wine, and through strong drink are out of the way; the priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink, they are swallowed up of wine, they are out of the way through strong drink; they err in vision, they stumble [in] judgment."
In other words, too much coffee makes people crazy. And wear backward ball caps.
• Colossians 2:16 -- "Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of a holy day."
In other words, drink your Christmastime coffee without fear. And have a scone, too.
I couldn't find anything that supports Feuerstein's theory that coffee sipped from a snowman-free vessel is sacrilegious. I think Jesus was less concerned about our morning pick-me-up cups and more concerned about us drinking from the cup of eternal life. For stirring up this red cup fury, Feuerstein ought to be red in the face.
What would Jesus do in this case?
He'd probably make wine out of water and just drink that. And give his Starbucks money to the poor.
Drink in, and email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at popular culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 11/15/2015