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Shopping to choose a season

"Dear Hobby Stores: Where is the Thanksgiving decor? Why, why, why are you subjecting me to Christmas music only one freaking week after Halloween? I. Hate. You."

This was written by one of a growing number of people complaining on Facebook -- and in person -- about "the most wonderful time of the year" arriving a bit too early.

Quite telling were the responses my Facebook friend received. "It wears me out. Boycott!" wrote one commenter.

Ha. My friend probably missed the Thanksgiving decor because it probably went on clearance around Oct. 1. And those Christmas lights were probably on clearance themselves.

This is not an anti-Christmas rant. This is another of my "Christmas too soon" rants.

This is a rant on behalf of those of us who are still trying to get over the loss of summer. Those of us who feel that fall brings enough sensory overload without throwing Christmas-creep in. Those of us who believe that "to everything there is a season" and that said season shouldn't overflow its boundaries. Of course the merchants had other ideas, which is a big chunk of the reason we're in this predicament.

A co-worker complained a couple of weeks ago about hearing a Christmas song. I told him about lying in bed a few nights earlier -- before Halloween -- listening to an online smooth jazz radio station on hubby's phone and thinking, "Is that 'Winter Wonderland'? Really?"

Via the onscreen Xfinity guide, I already notice the creep of Christmas movies (which I bemoaned this time last year) along with commercials for yet another Christmas horror movie ... Krampus, ancient demon and all. Let me tell you something, my dear filmmakers. We are already trapped in a real-life Christmas horror movie. We are trying to run errands in business districts and are already seeing traffic approaching Christmas shopping levels. We already can't make a left turn from McCain Boulevard in North Little Rock unless there's an arrow.

I still suspect that the reason the Grinch had a 'tude in the first place was not just because the Whos in Whoville were, from the looks of 'em, obnoxious with their merriment, but because they got cranked up for Christmas in, like, August.

I'm sure there are plenty of Christmas-season lovers out there who will boldly proclaim the early onset of yuletide shenanigans, protesting that the merchants had nothing to do with their putting up their Christmas decorations while everybody else was tricking their homes out for Halloween. I'm sure these people will label the Talkmistress a grinch for writing this.

I'm sure there are those who are in denial about their super-early Christmas celebrating, claiming that they can stop anytime they want. And I'm sure there are those who are not sure they're obsessed with Christmas-creep and wonder what the signs may be.

Here are a few:

You get your child's school play angel/shepherd/Santa/elf costume together before getting his Pilgrim/turkey costume together.

To save money and effort, you just had your child go trick-or-treating in his Christmas-play costume.

You shopped for Christmas decorations in your shorts, halter top and flip-flops.

You turned your nose up at all the pumpkin spice-flavored goodies because you were pining for peppermint-flavored ones.

You think year-round Christmas stores should be as prolific as those corner drugstore and coffee-shop chains.

You've been worried about your Christmas-shopping credit card bills since September ... and you haven't bought presents yet.

If you don't see at least one gingerbread man at Thanksgiving dinner ... well, to borrow from that old rap hit -- That's gonna make you lose yo' mind, up in here, up in here!

Santa bringing up the rear at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade? Shooooot, you thought he should have been in the St. Patrick's Day parade in March.

And finally ... you're a columnist and you just wrote about the released-obscenely-early Neiman Marcus catalog.

If you agreed with any of these, you need de-programming. Too bad my mother has gone on. The woman who appreciated Christmas with all her heart, but wouldn't allow a tree up until Dec. 15, would have been perfect for the job.

Meanwhile, if I were queen of the world, the one Christmas-y thing I would allow to happen before Dec. 1 would be eggnog. In fact, that stuff wouldn't be half bad year-round. Maybe they should sell it in the hobby stores.

O email, all ye faithful ...

hwilliams@arkansasonline.com

Style on 11/15/2015

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