What's in a Dame

Comedian Schumer has a beef with Glamour

In this Jan. 17, 2016 file photo, Amy Schumer accepts the Critics’ Choice MVP award at the 21st annual Critics' Choice Awards in Santa Monica, Calif.
In this Jan. 17, 2016 file photo, Amy Schumer accepts the Critics’ Choice MVP award at the 21st annual Critics' Choice Awards in Santa Monica, Calif.

Comedian Amy Schumer is a big-as-a-barn butterball.

A roly-poly, tubby, chubby, pudgy pork chop.

Hey, I didn't say it. Glamour magazine did! Right there on the cover of its new "Chic at Any Size" Special Edition, sponsored by Lane Bryant, which features a picture of proud plus-size model Ashley Graham on the cover.

Yep, it says Amy Schumer is a lardy, dumpy dough-belly.

But only if what you're reading is Schumer's rehashing of it.

She posted on social media: "@glamourmag put me in their plus size only issue without asking or letting me know and it doesn't feel right to me. Young girls seeing my body type thinking that is plus size? What are your thoughts? Mine are not cool glamour not glamourous."

Is she seeing a different copy than the rest of the world has seen?

The only reference we see on the cover about Schumer is this cover line: "Women Who Inspire Us: Melissa McCarthy, Adele, Amy Schumer & Ashley Graham." She's listed with other celebrated stars who could also be considered curvy. That's it.

But that was outrageous to Schumer, who clearly feels she has been unjustly lumped in with other celebrities she deep down deems as lumpy.

Otherwise, why would she be so defensive and protest this much?

"I think there's nothing wrong with being plus size," the 34-year-old wrote. "Beautiful healthy women. Plus size is considered a size 16 in America. I go between a size 6 and an 8."

Translated: "There most definitely is something wrong with being larger. And I am not fat, darn it, and I will prove it! How dare you group me with the rest of these heifers!"

To me, Schumer has always looked normal. Sometimes she looks slimmer and sometimes she looks puffier. Again, normal. She's only not normal when judged by Hollywood's super-slim standards; in a twisted industry, her normal is quite abnormal. That she has been a successful comedian and TV and movie actress in spite of that is a testament to her abilities -- one worth celebrating.

Schumer, known for her outrageous, self-deprecating sense of humor, always struck me as confident -- too cool to be agonizing over what others think about her.

So why this self-doubt? Why is she suddenly acting like, pardon me, a big, fat baby?

Glamour magazine, which attempted to compliment and not criticize her, responded to her hissy fit with a statement: "First off, we love Amy, and our readers do too -- which is why we featured her on the cover of Glamour last year. The cover line on this special edition -- which is aimed at women size 12 and up -- simply says 'Women Who Inspire Us,' since we believe her passionate and vocal message of body positivity IS inspiring, as is the message of the many other women, of all sizes, featured.

"The edition did not describe her as plus-size."

The magazine didn't label her. Rather Amy labeled herself: insecure.

Maybe this will make her feel a bit better. I, for one, think she's way too thin. Thin-skinned.

Chew the fat, email:

jchristman@arkansasonline.com

What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.

Style on 04/12/2016

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