My boondocking buddy Jim Spencer of Calico Rock is a turkey-hunting addict and one of the country’s best outdoor writers. He once wrote, “Where turkey hunting is concerned, there are no lukewarm feelings. Either you is or you ain’t.”
Unfortunately for those of you who is, I ain’t, which accounts for the lack of turkey-hunting stories you’ve seen in this column.
I have often hunted wild turkeys. One day, I even killed one — a bird Jim called in for me. Even so, I’ve never been bitten by the turkey-hunting bug.
I can’t explain my lack of enthusiasm for pursuing wild turkeys, but I think it’s because I prefer more action-oriented hunts. I love hunting rabbits with beagles because there are lots of chases, lots of shooting, and you’re allowed to talk. I like duck hunting because I can watch the birds as they work to the callers, there’s usually lots of shooting, and when the ducks aren’t working, you’re allowed to talk. I like chasing squirrels with hounds because there’s usually lots of shooting, and you’re allowed to talk all the time.
Come to think of it, maybe I don’t care for turkey hunting because you have to sit and be quiet — no talking allowed. And if you fire no more than a single shot, you can still say you’ve had a good day.
Spencer thinks I’m sick. “You must be,” he said, “to have gone turkey hunting as often as you have without being bitten by the bug.” Yet Spencer admits turkey-hunting fever is an illness. “The disease isn’t fatal,” he once wrote, “but it’s seasonally debilitating. … The only cure is prowling through mountains, swamps or piney woods during spring, eyes burning from lack of sleep, searching for a bird whose call sounds like a cross between a mugging and a train wreck. And when you find him, you then don’t know how to deal with him.”
He’s right, of course. And reading those words, I am quite happy to remain unafflicted.
Now, all that being said, I hope you won’t let my feelings keep you from going turkey hunting. If you’re already a turkey hunter, you won’t give a tinker’s hoot what I have to say anyway. But if you’re still considering whether or not to give it a try, then remember, either you is a turkey hunter or you ain’t, and you won’t know for sure until you’ve tried. I am terribly unqualified to tell you how to do it, so instead, I will share words of wisdom from fellow scribes who have good advice to offer.
To begin, you should know exactly what you’re getting into. Jim Miller, an Arkansas wildlife specialist, put it bluntly in an article called “Spring Sickness.”
“Regarding the hunting of wild turkeys,” he wrote, “it is probably the most physically demanding type of hunting available. … To be successful, it requires being in the woods near good roosting areas at least 30 minutes before daylight, extensive foot travel to locate and to hunt the bird, calling throughout the day and staying in the woods after dark in an attempt to hear birds fly or gobble to help select a good location for the next day’s hunt.”
Miller then lists six paths to success.
“1. Do as much scouting as possible prior to opening day, especially listening for gobbling early in the morning.
“2. Become a good hunter; know how to look for signs such as scratching, dust, tracks, etc.
“3. Become confident in your calling ability.
“4. Utilize camouflage clothing, including face mask and gloves.
“5. Learn patience and when or how much to call.
“6. Know how far your gun will effectively provide the dense pattern of shot
necessary to cover the head and neck of a turkey.”
“Most turkey hunters learn something every time they go hunting,” he continues, “and the honest ones will admit to being unsuccessful on many hunts.”
Jim Spencer, who has killed turkeys in nearly every state that has a season, gives some of the best turkey-hunting pointers in his story “Words of Wisdom on a Grand Spring Sport,” where he shares “some of the pitifully few things I’ve learned,” while participating in this “confusing, frustrating, aggravating game.” He says:
• “A turkey possesses the ability to see up, down and behind himself, all at the same time. It is a fallacy, however, that turkeys can see through rocks. Only Superman can do that. Instead, turkeys see around them.”
• “Turkeys cannot hear your heart beating at 40 yards, as some hunters claim. That’s ridiculous; no bird can hear that well. Instead, they feel the pressure waves your pulse sends through the air.”
• “If there are three possible directions from which a turkey can approach your calling, and two of them afford good visibility, the turkey will always come in via the third route. That is, if he comes at all, which is highly unlikely.”
• “Turkeys have the ability to turn invisible at will. How they achieve this I can’t say, but I know it to be true. They vanish on me all the time.”
• “Calling turkey gobblers is very simple; any cretin can do it. Making them come to the calling is what’s hard.”
• “There are five basic calls from which to choose: yelp, cluck, purr, cutt and cackle. All are equally effective in making a gobbler go the other way.”
• “When you do succeed in calling a gobbler within gun range, nine times out of 10 he will (a) come up directly behind you and gobble in your ear, (b) come into view while your gun is still in your lap, (c) let you get your gun to your shoulder and then come into view 90 degrees away from where it’s pointing, or (d) stay just out of sight under the crest of a hill and gobble and drum until some other hunter comes along and kills him or scares him away.”
“We could go on and on with this,” Spencer says. “My wisdom on the subject of turkeys is bottomless. But I don’t want to tell you everything there is to know and thereby wreck your enjoyment of the sport.
“There are things a turkey hunter ought to learn on his own.”
Good luck on your hunt. I hope you discover you is a turkey hunter.