We've got a new nickname for TLC, once known as The Learning Channel.
The Lip-Lock Channel.
The cable channel last week debuted its new dating show Love at First Kiss (9 p.m. Wednesdays; full episodes at tlc.com) in which strangers barely lay eyes on one another before mashing mouths together to see if there is a connection.
It's hardly a breath of fresh air. Consider it the kissing cousin of the reality specials and shows we've seen over the years -- everything from Fox's Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire (2000) to VH1's Dating Naked (2014-present) and A&E's Married at First Sight (2014-present).
Still, this slobbery, wet Kiss is likely to impassion fans of, say, The Bachelor (after all, they have the same creator, Mike Fleiss) or at least Bachelor in Paradise, its skankier sibling that's just in for the summer.
And besides, think of all the sponsorship possibilities a show like Love at First Kiss opens up for TLC: Listerine PocketPaks breath strips, Colgate Total Fresh Mint Stripe Gel toothpaste, Crest 3D White White-strips. And, of course, Valtrex.
The first hourlong episode (sadly, they discovered enough desperate, er, daring people to pucker up for this season's eight 60-minute installments) introduces us to several singles. If a smooch is satisfying, couples can then meet face to face for a two-minute speed date and then decide if they wish to go on an actual date. Plenty of suspenseful pauses make viewers wonder if they'll show up or if they'll stand up their First Kiss comrades.
There's no host. There's no narrator. So there's no one to explain the pairings. Do they really expect a confident 19-year-old woman (like Sarati) to swoon over cocky 21-year-old doofus Kyle? Or do they purposefully and premeditatively mismatch people for their pain (actual pain -- Kyle bit Sarati's lip!) and our pure amusement? After giggling and grimacing through the premiere, it's safe to say it's the second. Thanks, TLC.
Not thanking TLC would be Annalisa. The 25-year-old self-proclaimed "practiced kisser" is matched with painfully awkward Josh, who has never brushed lips with a non-blood-related woman in his 27 years. Love at First Kiss really will be his first kiss.
But we wouldn't qualify what he does -- standing there with eyes open and mouth paralyzed -- as a kiss. Annalisa pities him enough to attend the speed date, but not enough to go on a full date, leaving him alone and ashamed. We'd guess it will probably be another 27 years before Josh gets a second kiss. But we've seen previews of next week's show, and he'll be back, thanks to the producers' sense of sympathy or schadenfreude.
We have to laugh when Joanna, 31, tells Christian, 26, "I'm not ready for that," when he leans in for a speed-date kiss. Hello, you already kissed him the second you met him! And we have to laugh when Christian says, "She's just going slow; she's from Kansas," about Joanna. Hello, she just made out with a stranger on a show called Love at First Kiss! We don't get Joanna and Christian, but they seem to get each other enough to advance to a regular date. They will be the only semi-success story this episode, even if we suspect they'll soon tell each other to kiss off.
Preppy Kaitlin is set up with oddball Justin in the ultimate kiss-of-death scenario. There's no romance, just recoiling on the part of Kaitlin who describes Justin: "He's like a cartoon character." And by that she doesn't mean He-Man. There's no speed date. There's no regular date. There's not even one real kiss.
Chock this Love at First Kiss experiment as Loathe at First Miss.
Peck out an email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 08/09/2016