Dear Otus,
Belk Bowl? What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is the Belk Bowl? The Razorbacks are going to a bowl game I never heard of and play the Virginia Tech Hokies? Granted, a 7-5 record is nothing to crow about, but I thought we had a perennial deal with the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. At least fans can drive over to that.
Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of 👉 humorous fabrication 👈 appears every Saturday.
I know a bowl game is supposed to be a reward for the players for all their hard work, but I'm betting the guys would just as soon go home as to Charlotte, N.C., where nobody but the band and cheerleaders will be on hand.
-- Phil Ariasis,
Newport
Dear Phil,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and be able to commiserate with your consternation at the current conundrum.
Granted, a bowl game in far off North Carolina named for a department store doesn't quite have the ring of the Big 4 bowls from yesteryear -- Cotton Bowl, Orange Bowl, Sugar Bowl and Rose Bowl. It could be worse. The Hogs could be going to the Ford Quick Lane Bowl in Detroit on Dec. 26. That replaced the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl in 2014.
Heck, even hapless 5-7 Mississippi State is going to the St. Petersburg Bowl on Dec. 26 to face hapless Miami of Ohio (6-6).
It's all about the money these days. There's money to be made in all these no-name bowl games with C-level teams. The bowls begin Dec. 17 and run through Jan. 2.
The only games that count this year are the Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl and the PlayStation Fiesta Bowl on Dec. 31. In the former, we'll have No. 1 Alabama taking on No. 4 Washington. In the latter, it'll be No. 2 Clemson vs. No. 3 Ohio State. The winners battle it out for the national championship Jan. 9.
Every other bowl game is meaningless except for bragging rights and a pile of money from the bigger ones.
The bowls include the AutoNation Cure Bowl in Orlando, Fla, on Dec. 17 with the Arkansas State (7-5) Red Wolves battling the mighty Knights of the University of Central Florida (6-6).
This is the former Citrus Bowl and it's a game played to battle breast cancer. Expect lots of pink.
Once corporation money and TV rights kicked in, the Big 4 bowls started spinning off bowlettes.
The Orange Bowl produced the Tangerine Bowl and the Grapefruit and Satsuma bowls, which eventually combined into the Citrus Bowl, which spun off the Tangelo Bowl.
The Sugar Bowl spun off the Sweet 'N Low Bowl in Lafayette, La., but that folded after the Aspartame scandal of '03.
The Cotton Bowl tried a number of artificial blends but none stuck, and the Rose Bowl's most successful offshoot was the Rosaceae Bowl in San Francisco. That lasted three seasons.
Frankly, these games are an embarrassment to the sport and are frequently played in half-empty stadiums with comatose fans. But TV has a never-ending appetite and money greases the skids.
This year, believe it or not, the sponsored games include the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in Boise (Dec. 22); the Popeye's Bahamas Bowl in Nassau (Dec. 23); the Dollar General Bowl in Mobile, Ala. (Dec. 23); Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl (Dec. 27); New Era Pinstripe Bowl in New York's Yankee Stadium (Dec. 28); the Valero Unleaded Alamo Bowl in San Antonio (Dec. 29); and the TaxSlayer Gator Bowl in Jacksonville, Fla., (Dec. 31).
All told, there will be 41 (!) bowl games plus the college championship game. And you know every feature, from the O'Reilly Replay to the Papa John's Play of the Game will be sponsored.
Sadly, even three of the former Big 4 bowls have corporate sponsors attached to their names like remora. It's now officially the Allstate Sugar Bowl; the Capital One Orange Bowl; and the Goodyear Cotton Bowl.
Only the Rose Bowl has kept its name relatively pristine, but it's also "presented by" Northwestern Mutual.
Why sell out? Follow the money. According to its website, the College Football Playoff game "offers a variety of customizable sponsorship assets including: promotional rights, event entitlement opportunities, event activation, digital presence, and game-day opportunities and hospitality."
Look for branding everywhere, including the uniforms. Nike will outfit the four playoff teams with special uniforms, complete with prominent Nike trademarked swoosh.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that a Hokie doesn't exist in nature. There is no such creature as a "HokieBird." The Hokie, however, is never pokey, and it can turn itself around.
Disclaimer
Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of
Z humorous fabrication X
appears every Saturday. Email:
mstorey@arkansasonline.com
HomeStyle on 12/10/2016