This message is in response to high school student Morgan Kennedy's letter about feminism. What I wanted to tell Morgan is that the treatment she experienced at high school is a just a preview of how many people in society still view women. As an older woman, I can say that I have had to constantly overcome stereotypes and push past limitations based on what girls and women were expected, and even allowed, to do during my lifetime.
The expectation for girls graduating from high school in 1964 was very simple: Get married. Unfortunately, Prince Charming never arrived at my door, so I quickly decided to make my own way. This was a somewhat revolutionary idea at the time. My failure was predicted by one and all.
I remember trying to buy a car and being told I either needed my father or husband to co-sign. I didn't have a husband, and since I was supporting myself, why on earth would I turn to my father? When I decided to go into business for myself in the early 1980s, I was bombarded with people who told me to "go out and get a real job."
I can remember taking part in one of the first feminist marches up Fifth Avenue in New York around the early 1970s. We wanted to have equal opportunity to jobs and career options other than the acceptable "women's jobs" at the time of teacher, nurse, secretary, waitress, or social worker. People today still tend to refer to that time and the marchers as "bra-burning women's libbers." I didn't see any burning bras. I was dressed appropriately for women at the time--in a conservative dress and, yes, a bra.
What I did see were men in suits on the sidewalks spitting at us.
Morgan, you may fall in love and decide to get married. If you do, your path will be smoothed somewhat. Being married is still expected of women. It automatically hits the "acceptable" button on your behalf. On the other hand, if you stay single for any length of time, many people will assume that something is wrong with you or that you are just plain impossible to get along with. Some people will assume you are gay even if you are not.
If you earn enough money to buy your own home, as I have, you and your home will be viewed with skepticism by many. I can remember one neighbor telling me I should move to a condo rather than owning my own home. He was appalled when I told him with a smile that I would do that when he decided to move from his home to a condo.
I've been taking care of myself for just over 50 years now. I can testify that an unmarried woman who has always made her own way and says what she thinks without censorship is still viewed with suspicion and called either crazy or a "bra-burning women's libber." I accept those two labels now with good humor--even though I swear I never burned a bra in my life. (Full disclosure: I don't always wear the thing. But it's not political; it's just comfortable).
I enjoy acting out the crazy label mainly because for some reason, it confuses people, which is great fun.
Still, I'll never forget when I first understood some years ago that I had, by virtue of my age and sex, become invisible, totally irrelevant, and automatically stupid. I was stunned at the treatment. But I re-experience it with annoying regularity now.
While I mostly ignore it when it happens, this assumption about older women is probably the most prevalent discriminatory attitude against women in our society today and is likely the most distressingly insurmountable.
Women have come a long way in the last 50 years, but discrimination against women is today still experienced in both subtle as well as openly outrageous ways. Today, when I am dismissed largely because I am a woman, or hear about it happening to others, I get annoyed and then I wonder where the young women are.
Who will continue the effort for full equality for women and stop the erosion of rights that were hard-won by those who fought for it before them? Who will be the new leaders among women?
I'm betting on Morgan Kennedy. If they had their druthers, a lot of folks would have us all just shut up and sit down. Ignore that, Morgan. Don't be discouraged. Stand up. Speak out.
And then get out there and make your own way.
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Stephanie Culp lives in Bella Vista.
Editorial on 02/12/2016