Denver Broncos linebacker and Super Bowl 50 MVP Von Miller has one job: Make life hell for the opposing team's quarterback.
Now, a week after the Super Bowl, he's still locked on to the Carolina Panthers' Cam Newton.
Miller's campaign of trolling started right after the game, when he posted an image of the Panthers posing in Newton's signature dabbing celebration, with all the players' heads replaced with crying Michael Jordan, on his Instagram account. "Jus dab!!!" read the caption.
Then, Miller, who had 21/2 sacks against Newton, including two strip sacks that led to Broncos touchdowns, teamed up with Adidas, debuting a pair of cleats called Freaks that look like they have kryptonite on the side, a direct shot at Newton's alter-ego, Superman. "Everyone has a weakness," reads the caption.
On Saturday, Miller took his mission to television, appearing on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" segment and using science to taunt Newton.
Host Michael Che, who pointed out that Miller "studied science in college," brought him to discuss the science of gravitational waves in outer space.
"These waves are everywhere in the universe, just like I'm everywhere when Cam Newton closes his eyes," Miller said.
When asked if he was bragging or just piling on after already beating Newton's Panthers in the Super Bowl, Miller ended the bit by saying, "The discovery proves that Einstein's theory ME equals MVP."
For the record, Miller minored in poultry science at Texas A&M. It's also clear he's not chicken about rubbing salt in a wound.
Rec-league rebel
Make of this what you will:
The North Side Co-Ed Soccer League in Cleveland banished Westlake High School senior Brian Garruto in an email detailing nearly two dozen bizarre offenses he had accumulated since December.
"Sports are supposed to be fun, and few things make sports more fun than people dancing, celebrating, and in general being overly-excited weirdos," wrote GQ's Jack Moore, who caught wind of Garruto's ban on Friday.
Garruto certainly fits the bill, but it's likely Moore was speaking more about fans than players.
Garruto tweeted out the email he received from the league: "Hello Mr. Garruto after a meeting with the management of our league we have unfortunately decided to ban you from our U17/U18 co ed soccer league because of your behavior."
Given that recreation league soccer, according to Moore, "is basically a gym class that doesn't take place in a school," it's only natural to wonder exactly what prompted this decision.
No worries. Garruto's tweet also included the list of offenses provided by the league, ranging from twice refusing to wear shin guards, to making a phone call while playing, eating a banana on the field, sitting on the opposing team's bench, wearing a cowboy hat during a game, scoring 14 goals in a game (the league has a three-goal limit per player), running into the goal with the ball hidden under his shirt, and "altering the scoreboard."
Garruto is also a fan of creative celebrations. The league, apparently, is not.
Also included in his list of offenses were twice removing his jersey after scoring goals, pretending to shoot opposing players with a bow and arrow after scoring and "giving birth to soccer ball" after scoring.
His most egregious, and quite frankly, bold offense came last month, when he received a red card during game, switched jerseys with a teammate and tried to return to the game.
It wasn't all bad. According to the list, on Jan. 10, Garruto "followed all rules this week."
"I'd like to thank all the loyal fans of the Cleveland Steamers co ed team for supporting me during my season," tweeted Garruto, who deleted his Twitter account not long after the GQ piece was published online.
"This tweet shows that even when his very important, and not at all a joke rec soccer league career is threatened, Brian isn't worried about himself," Moore wrote. "No, he's only thinking of the fans. What a class act."
Or something like that.
Sports on 02/15/2016