HOOVER, Ala. — Bret Bielema’s opening statement at SEC Media Days included a story of then-commissioner Mike Slive scolding him during his first year at Arkansas for taking a shot at another school in the conference.
The statement seemed to indicate a tamer version of Bielema was in Hoover this year, but he was his usual wisecracking self Wednesday morning. Here are the top 10 Bielema quotes from his fourth media days.
FARRAH FAWCET AND RECRUITING
“If I get one out of 20 responses, I’m not texting that much. But I always tell the guys, if you get one that’s hot, that we like, that we’ve got rated at the top, he’s Farrah Fawcett. He’s up top. There ain’t nobody going past him.”
Context: Explaining how social media and texting has changed recruiting.
HOGS IN BATHROOMS
“At Arkansas we're not built very sexy, we're just kind of a work in progress. We need a lot of time in the bathroom to get ready and come out and look great. But when why do, we'll stop time.”
Context: Bielema was asked about having to replace a lot of talent on the offensive side of the ball and went through newcomers or younger players he believes are ready to step up. Then he ended the answer by talking about bathroom prep time.
PUNCHING SUMLIN
“Summy, last year, when we got done with the game and we're walking across to shake hands and he said, ‘I don't know what to say.’ I said, ‘Don't say anything, I might punch you.’”
Context: Replying to a question about the two straight overtime losses to Texas A&M. Bielema mentioned his respect for Aggies coach Kevin Sumlin (or Summy, apparently) several times.
RELIVING THE TRIPPING CALL
“J. Will broke a run that we went up by, would have been 21, but we had an unfortunate tripping call called, which was a marvelous call for Steve Shaw and his staff. First tripping call I've ever seen in college football but it was a good call, and we deserved it. But it did kind of change the momentum of the game and brought it back. I hope there's a moratorium on complaining about ref'ing.”
Context: Part of the same answer as No. 3, Bielema brought up Dan Skipper’s crucial tripping penalty against Texas A&M two years ago and mixed his disdain for the call with humor.
NO SUSPENSIONS
“You don't have to worry whether or not I'm going suspend anybody for the first game. It doesn't come up in our program.”
Context: This was part of his opening statement, which makes it all the more interesting given Nick Saban announced he wasn’t planning to suspend Cam Robinson earlier in the morning.
LONG SHOT
“AD had a nice idea to throw TCU into the mix before we taken on the SEC West. One hell of an idea. So I'm very excited about seeing Coach Patterson. I see him once a year on a Nike trip. That's good enough for me. I don't really want to play him. That's what we're going to do.”
Context: Also part of Bielema’s opening statement, this joking jab at Jeff Long drew a laugh in Hoover.
CHEAP SEATS
“I was in Russell (Wilson’s) wedding — not in the wedding, I just sat and watched. I was the guy in the eighth row in the outside seat, but there's a certain amount of value.”
Context: The question was about how Bielema goes about recruiting high-character players. He name-dropped J.J. Watt and threw a playful barb at Wilson, his quarterback at Wisconsin.
INTERESTING VISUAL
“Kind of stuck my tongue out, wiggled my nose and felt good about it.”
Context: Bielema was asked about losing offensive line coach Sam Pittman to Georgia and brought up how Kirby Smart initially called to talk to offensive coordinator Dan Enos. Enos had a non-compete clause in his contract for other SEC schools, which prompted Bielema’s reaction after informing Smart.
SHOPPING SPREE
“(Jen Bielema’s) come to every media day with me. She loves to come. I think part of it is because it’s connected to a mall, but that’s a whole other conversation.”
Context: Part of a response to a question about it being his fourth trip SEC Media Days.