DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My elderly father and I have never gotten along, politics being only one of the problems. Recently Dad wrote to my siblings and me asking any of us who voted for President Obama to "come clean" and acknowledge it, and stating that those who did would not be inheriting any of his money. As an ethical person, I feel obligated to tell him the truth, that I voted for Obama. But as his daughter, I see no virtue in having this confrontation with him at the end of his life. Should I be the honorable person he raised and tell him the truth (which I'm sure he already knows), or let him finish out his life believing we are one big, happy family?
-- Lynn
DEAR LYNN: It all depends on the size of the inheritance.
Relax, we're joking. From everything you say, it seems unlikely that your father is under the illusion that you are one big, happy family. On the contrary, it sounds as if he's testing you to see if you are in fact the ethical person you say you are. Since he knows the way you voted, the real question he has put on the table is whether you are honest enough to acknowledge it when your inheritance is on the line.
Is this unfair? Absolutely. But the fact that your father has made an unreasonable demand doesn't mean you should talk yourself into believing that you'd be doing him a favor by lying.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Several years ago, a couple with whom my husband and I were close went through an acrimonious divorce. We refused to take sides, but we've ended up seeing more of the husband, because he and my husband are in the same cycling group and because the wife moved away. Still, we remained close enough with her that when she decided to remarry, she paid for us, along with some of their other old friends, to attend her wedding at Sea Island, Ga. Now, here's the problem: Since her ex-husband learned that we went to the wedding as her weekend guests, he barely speaks to us. What should we say or do to fix this? We explained to him when they split up that we weren't taking sides, and, if anything, we've been closer to him.
-- Mystified
DEAR MYSTIFIED: You should tell him that you are very sorry for the bad judgment you showed in allowing his ex-wife to bribe you into joining her posse, and ask for his forgiveness. Look, had you gone to the wedding on your own dime, your friend would have had little to object to (assuming, of course, that the groom hadn't broken up your friend's marriage). But why do you think the bride spent a small fortune to lure all those folks to her wedding, if it wasn't to show up her ex-husband -- to let him see how willing their old friends were to be part of her entourage?
Sorry, Mystified, but when you took this woman's money, you took her side.
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Family on 07/13/2016