As I write this, I'm a Weedle bit obsessed.
Obsessed with the Nintendo game Pokemon Go, inhabited by curious critters (or Pokemon) with crazy names like Weedle -- and Doduo and Tauros and Horsea, etc.
I was too old for Pokemon the first time in the 1990s. And so I'm waaaay too old for Pokemon this time (and without a child to blame for my fixation) 20 years later. Still, I've found myself -- well my KatePippa character (named for my cats. Yeah! The cats are to blame! That's it!) has found herself -- utterly consumed. Given her fickleness, she'll certainly be over it by the time you read this.
All the kids know how to play, and they're surely on level 3,249 nearly two weeks since the game's release. So this primer is for the adults who consider themselves semi-youngish at heart.
The augmented reality GPS-based game starts with the free download of an app and registration using your Google account.
But you're kinda old. And chances are you don't remember your Google password (and why would you? It automatically loads on all your devices). So you have it emailed to your address.
But again, you're kinda old. And you don't even remember which old email address -- and which password -- you used to establish your Google account eons ago. And so you'll have to go through all kinds of hoops to create a new password. And you're still not ready to play yet; next comes the chore of changing your password on all your devices.
By now you're already tired. So very tired. But you're determined to see what the buzz is about and open the app, which, speaking of buzz, has the most dreadful music. "Remember to be alert at all times. Stay aware of your surroundings," warns the opening screen, as if focusing on anything will be possible with such a distracting soundtrack. You pick a nickname -- well about 283 of them before there's finally one that isn't taken -- and choose your look/outfit.
Then it's time to ... what exactly are you supposed to do? Well, that Professor guy tried to tell you, but by then you were in no mood to read instructions. You kept advancing the action and then began trying to play with no clue. You see yourself right there on a map of the actual universe (that's the street you're on! That's your house!). It's not long before you're supposed to catch a critter that flits across your camera screen. But since you blew through the directions, you have to go searching for game rules online.
Ahh. OK. So you flick a red ball at critters in an effort to catch them. You'll train them. And eventually you'll use them for battle. Basically, you're the Michael Vick of the mobile gaming world. You capture Squirtle (or Charmander or Bulbasaur) and look over your shoulder expecting a virtual reality PETA to surface any minute.
From there, as you roam the actual earth, other creatures -- like the winged Zubat -- surface for capture.
You, being old and tired, have a few problems with this. That bat takes about 35 balls and as many minutes for you to capture. Run out of balls and you'll eventually have to buy (but wait, I thought the app was free?) more. And then there are other things you'll want to buy from the Shop section too.
And, wait, roam the earth? You mean, one has to get off the couch for this? Yep. Or you can buy things like incense, which draws the critters to you. It's the ultimate lose-lose game of Cheapness vs. Laziness.
But somewhere between your first Caterpie and your second Spearow and your first Rattata -- ooh, and your first medal! -- you get a bit of a high, and then you get hooked. Some will say they like the exercise and the excuse to go see more of the world, even though their eyes don't leave their phones. But for you, it's about winning! Oh, there are no real prizes of any kind?
You map your daily commute based on proximity to Poke Spots -- landmarks that can give you more balls and other coveted items. You plan your lunch around which restaurants offer free Wi-Fi and Pokemon promotions (ooh, a free dessert at Mellow Mushroom! Hey, a free guacamole at Cantina Laredo!). You make up errands to be out among game-minded people, not to mention the Pidgey, Pinsir and Paras community.
You even go to church more (hallelujah! The Cathedral of St. Andrew in Little Rock is a Poke Spot! Amen!).
But having just reached Level 7, I've found part of the Pokemon Go universe that might be a no-go for me.
The gym.
The collected Pokemon have to train and tussle at gyms. I don't like actual gyms. Why would virtual ones be any different?
As of press time, I've only gone to one gym (this one was located outside a different church in downtown Little Rock) and my critters were totally creamed by the competition. The screen kept telling me my moves were, ouch, ineffective.
Be ineffective at a gym? I can do that in my real life, thanks.
G0, and email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 07/19/2016