Dear Otus,
I may be an antediluvian grouser, but I simply do not understand this Pokemon craze sweeping the country. Today I witnessed a fellow fall down a manhole while using his smartphone. How can this be much fun? Is it just me, or is this some sort of subversive plot to control the minds of malleable youth?
-- Lorem Ipsum,
Rogers
Dear Lorem,
It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and to have this opportunity to sound the clarion call to the nescient masses who have fallen for this subtle assault upon our precious bodily fluids.
Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of 👉 humorous fabrication 👈 appears every Saturday.
As do you, I also fear that the Pokemon Go infatuation is but a clever ruse by foreign powers to inculcate laxity and subnivean submission in our impressionable young people (and many not so young) with a seemingly innocuous app-fueled game that, in fact, is rotting billions of brain cells as we speak.
Note: Pokemon stands for Pocket Monsters. Yes, they may fit in your pocket, but they're still monsters.
Your question reminds me of the famous quote from Cicero, who wrote in De Finibus Bonorum et Malorum (The Extremes of Good and Evil) in 45 B.C., "Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur?"
This apropos aphorism comes from the first book of five in De Finibus and was a treatise against Epicureanism and hedonism.
And it doesn't get much more hedonistic than Pokemon Go -- an all-consuming indulgence. Note that this is an "augmented reality" (AR) game and not a virtual reality (VR). Players are, in fact, screwing with their actual surroundings, not visiting an imaginary location.
The zealous lackey publicists of Pokemon Go -- and each has already drunk the Kool-aid -- cite the alleged social benefits of playing Niantic's AR mobile game.
"Oh, it's free to play," they merrily chirp. "It potentially improves the mental and physical health of players by getting people outside and interacting with one another."
All true, but this new version is a far cry from the simple role-playing offering that charmed gamers when it launched in the United States back in 1998.
An entire generation was enamored of the lovable, yellow, pointy-earred Pikachu and the original 151 species of Pokemon.
Next came the anime series, which introduced young Pokemon master in training Ash Ketchum. His popularity was evident when Pokemon: The First Movie debuted in 1999.
One need look no further for the insidious nature of this game than its goal -- to capture "wild" Pokemon by weakening them and catching them with Poke Balls.
In order to progress, a player must become ever more powerful in order to capture, battle, and train virtual creatures and challenge other trainers. A player uses candies and stardust to raise a Pokemon's combat power, defeat assorted Gym Leaders and become tournament champion.
The result? A stupefied generation of ovine automatons inured to reality, numb to the pain of others and slavishly devoted to climbing to the top no matter the consequences.
With Pokemon Go, the results are all the more horrific because it uses GPS and the smartphone's camera system in the capturing of these virtual creatures. Players are navigating in the real world.
Enter the open manholes; cliffs off of which to fall; and traffic in which to wander.
And this doesn't even take into account the Machiavellian temptation of in-app purchases for additional gameplay items. Neither does it address privacy concerns.
Yes, fellow Americans, someone out there is mining and collating all your intimate personal data while you play Pokemon Go. I suspect Kim Jong-un. It would be just like North Korea's porcine supreme leader and devotee of Zoroastrianism to have something nefarious up his sleeve.
Finally, it would be wise to learn some of the more popular Pokemon creatures and be aware should they creep into your child's vocabulary.
In addition to Pikachu, there are Charmander, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. Also listen for Meowth, Jirachi, Groudon, Absol, Latias, Rattata, Raticate, Sekhmet, Shinola, Werethekau, Ptah, Gozer the Gozerian, Ahriman and Rowan.
Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that gluten isn't free.
Disclaimer
Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of
Z humorous fabrication X
appears every Saturday. Email:
mstorey@arkansasonline.com
HomeStyle on 07/23/2016