You can't tell most days by my frizzy mop and smudged eyeliner (I do morning radio; I can only muster so much magic at 3:45 a.m.), but I'm addicted to beauty tips and tutorials.
The pastime dates way back to when I was a 'tween, consulting Teen magazine for counsel on perfecting teal eyeliner application and combating breakouts -- the ones caused by using drying products that were supposed to prevent breakouts (Sea Breeze and Bonne Bell's Ten-O-Six Lotion, anyone?).
These days I indulge this interest by watching videos on creating textured updos (though every day, my hair is down) and reading three-minute makeup routine posts (why did I need 30 minutes and why could I use 30 more?) by beauty bloggers.
Yes, I've been burned over the years by bad online beauty advice. Literally burned. I made the mistake of trying this "hot" trick I spotted on Pinterest: Heating an eyelash curler with a hair dryer to better set eyelashes. Oh, I set them alright. I nearly set them on fire, scorching my -- yow! -- eyelid with the hot metal tool.
So I've learned to take such tricks with a grain of salt. Speaking of: a homemade scrub of salt, oil and, for a nice smell, essential oil, might help exfoliate your tootsies if you dye them blue using the ill-advised Listerine foot soak that a friend, inspired by Pinterest, attempted.
Recently I was intrigued by a Today show video about making "beautiful heatless curls" that popped up on my Facebook news feed. I was all in favor. For one, it's been a fafillion degrees outside, and two, I recently caused a tiny burn on my forehead with a hair iron. (Can't blame Pinterest -- just clumsiness -- for that one.) See it at tinyurl.com/balloonhair.
The video begins with the lovely brunette model, identified as Angela Cruz, blowing up hot pink balloons. I had to wonder if I clicked on a video about kids' birthday parties by mistake. No, I just didn't read the full title: "WATCH: Use balloons to make beautiful heatless curls." What in the hair was she doing? I couldn't look away.
After inflating the balloons to baked-potato size, she gathered her tresses into a high ponytail, sprayed sections and wrapped them around the balloons, securing them with bobby pins. She looked like an extraterrestrial as she smiled a crazy "Yep-I'm-a-grown-woman-with-balloons-in-my-hair" grin into the camera.
Then wording -- hot pink to match the balloons -- appeared on the screen: "8 hours later ..."
Wait. She spent an entire day walking around like a circus performer? This better be the Greatest Hair on Earth.
She removed the balloons, shaking out what was promised to be "party-worthy heatless curls." But eight humiliating hours later, her wavy hair looked about the same as when she started. This, when she could have used a much easier curling method (hot rollers, a curling iron) in a fraction of the time.
What a waste, I thought after watching the tutorial. Until my eyes fell upon viewers' comical Facebook comments. Say this for the internet: It might lead you astray, but it will always leave you amused. Here are some of my favorite responses:
"Oh yeah this is just fantastic! Until they POP IN YOUR SLEEP! Directly above your ears! Are you kidding me?!"
"Did she just re-invent a lesser version of my grandmother's curlers?"
"Today becomes tomorrow by the time you [have] your half-baked curls and smell like a latex head!"
"I prefer to do this with bananas, mangoes and kiwis. That way you get various sizes for the curls and then after, you can have a lovely fruit salad."
"Why not baked potatoes? Will curl quicker!! Add ketchup for natural highlights, while you're at it."
"Use helium balloons and you won't have to put your hair in a ponytail ... also helps your posture. And you can talk in an alien voice when done!"
Which is all to say that sometimes online beauty tips go over like a lead balloon.
Blow up my email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 07/26/2016