A year ago, the Supreme Court ruled gay Americans had the right to marry in every state in the country. On June 26, 2013, the same court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act. On June 26, 2003, the court ruled that same-sex consensual activity between adults should be legal in every state.
It's coincidence that all these rulings came down on the same date--it's just one of those patterns you see when you go looking for patterns. (As many rock stars die at the age of 25 and 32 as at the solemnized age of 27; whenever you take a sample you're likely to get clusters.) But in this business you look for the right occasion to say what's on your mind. And today's the anniversary. So I'll say it: We've come a long way, baby. I'm so proud of us.
When you think about it, it happened fairly quickly. Seemed like one moment we were fooling around with silly policies like "don't ask, don't tell" and the next we're celebrating our friends' trips to the courthouse. What seemed like such a big deal for so long suddenly isn't. Most of us figured out that the desires of others don't really impinge on our freedom, that civil rights aren't a zero sum game. Most of us have calmed down and realize that gay folks are all around. They're in our families, in our neighborhoods, in our churches.
And while some of them may be absolutely fabulous, most of them are as boring as anyone else. They aren't interested in recruiting your children. They aren't interested in your marriage. It's not that big a deal. Love is always a good thing.
That's not to say there aren't dissenters. I understand the Westboro Baptist Church is still a going concern. And there's some pipsqueak "pastor" out in Sacramento getting social media attention for saying hateful things in the wake of the Orlando nightclub shooting. Yeah, and then there's the Orlando nightclub shooting, which may have had as much to do with homophobia and self-loathing as Islamic terrorism.
But then there have always been people willing to shoot other people to compensate for the cold spot in their heart, that dead knot where grievance settles. There have always been thwarted souls susceptible to reaching for their revolver in reaction to other people's happiness. There have always been cynical people willing to exploit the inchoate fears of others, to set us against one another so they might sell tickets or win votes.
On the whole, I think we've done remarkably well.
When I was in high school, I didn't think I knew any gay people. I was just as stupid as any other teenaged male; I knew all the hurtful words and was quite happy to use them in absurd contexts on fields and courts. I knew there was such a thing as homosexuality, but I didn't think it had anything to do with me. (Turns out I was right.)
Then, in the mid-'80s, in the midst of a plague that the president wouldn't talk about (I remember those days even if Hillary Clinton doesn't), my namesake uncle died. We found out about it after the fact, after his ashes had already been scattered in the San Francisco Bay. Though I talked to him fairly regularly on the phone, he never mentioned that he was sick. It bothers me that he might have thought I'd been ashamed. It bothers me that I might have been.
I think about friends who died. I think about a very good friend who we all understood was gay though he never told us. We probably were secretly proud of ourselves, because we didn't think it was a big deal. Until he swallowed a bottle of pills. He came out to us in the hospital, weeping with shame. Over the way he was made. Over "what was wrong" with him.
Which was nothing. Which was just some weird societal convention, a way of marking some as Other. As "sick." As less entitled to love and affection. So that the rest of us might feel a little luckier, I guess. A little more beloved by the universe. (God, what was wrong with us?)
But things are demonstrably better now. Even though madmen still murder innocents, though politicians still seek leverage points. The world is a little better. We made it so. June 26 is a day worth commemorating--a day of celebration.
And reflection.
pmartin@arkansasonline.com
www.blooddirtangels.com
Editorial on 06/26/2016