By now everyone should be familiar with The Donald's "woman card" statements.
"Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don't think she'd get 5 percent of the vote," Donald Trump snapped after winning five more states in Republican primaries April 26. "The only thing she's got going is the woman's card."
He'd also fumed on the Fox News show Fox & Friends that "The only thing she's got is the woman card. That's all she's got, and it is pandering. It's a weak card in her hands."
That led to an actual Hillary Clinton "woman card" that campaign donors may obtain. And the recent trending of "#womancard" on Twitter.
Several writers immediately waxed sarcastic about what carrying a real-life woman card (also known as simply a woman) brings. These writers include CNN's A.J. Willingham, whose opinion piece, "The nifty 'perks' of having a #WomanCard," came with illustrations of "woman coupon" cards by Alberto Mier and Ted Witus. Among the "privileges" mentioned:
• A "sizable discount" on earnings, or rather, lower pay than men. (Which, in certain poor Southern states, means a "woman's card" for just about everybody.)
• Catcalls and other harassment from strange dudes. A Washington Post opinion piece by Alexandra Petri indicates that you have to have your I Have a Boyfriend Card to counteract this "privilege." (As someone who's aged out of the crude compliments I once received, I humbly suggest this remedy to harass-ees: Show a fake I'm Caitlyn Jenner card. Watch the offending guy writhe and recoil in insecure horror!)
• A decrease in value as the holder ages. (Counteracted, though, by the holder's right to do such things as eschew troublesome trends, wear old cardigans over her housecoat and not give a rip what anyone thinks of her.)
• Commercials that tell you you don't look good enough and must buy the advertised product to remedy that problem. (Unless the holder is old enough to eschew troublesome trends, wear old cardigans over her housecoat, etc., etc.)
• Longer restroom waits. (Well, there's that. But at least we don't have to deal with the aesthetically displeasing things called urinals!)
• Fellas telling you to "smile." (Another suggestion for women who are addressed thusly: Get yourself a one-toothed mouth prosthesis or some fake-blood-tinged Halloween vampire fangs. Next time you hear that statement -- smile away!)
• The one woman-card "privilege" I was surprised not to see: the right to be constantly called fat/ridiculed for one's weight by both men and women. (You, too, can catch it from your Uncle Bob, your old-school doctor, the kindly old sister at church and yes, half the people at your family reunion!)
But the women aren't the only card carriers. Those who bear the "man card" are also recipients of various dubious privileges, such as:
• Being subject to people's assumptions that he will refuse to ask for directions. (Guys, on your behalf I hate that latest Tarzan/Jane insurance commercial.)
• Being the one to have to kill any rat, spider or water bug in the vicinity of his woman.
• Being the one to take out the garbage.
• Mainstream fashion trends that rarely change except in science fiction shows and movies! (Where is that futuristic navy/gray Nehru jacket anyway, dang it?)
• Advertisers' assumptions that a scantily clad woman is needed to entice the holder to buy everything ... shaving cream, hunting ammunition, cars, booze, tires ... even car washes and coffee.
• The TV-commercial implication that the holder goes around the house making messes that he can't clean up. (See "child card" and "pet card.")
• And let's not forget: the old TV-sitcom assumption that the holder makes for a dumb, clueless husband/father, period.
• Last but not least: a shorter life span.
I'm actually surprised Hillary didn't come back with any "man card" comment. But as I've just pointed out, both sexes come with their share of life's privileges and disadvantages, whether real or forged in stereotypical lore.
And shoot, when it comes to this election, a gender card isn't the most prominent card that has been played so far.
It's the wild card.
Deal me an email:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 05/08/2016