DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: At a restaurant my husband and I frequently go to, our order got "lost" in the kitchen, and we ended up waiting 40 minutes after finishing our appetizers for our entrees to arrive. When we complained, the manager apologized and took the cost of our drinks off the bill. But in paying the check, my husband insisted on tipping on what would have been the full amount of the check, before the reduction for the mix-up in the kitchen. I don't see why we should have tipped on items the restaurant was -- quite properly -- paying for. What do you think?
-- J.D.
DEAR J.D.: We hope you had a hefty bar tab. Not that free drinks are sufficient reparations for completely blowing an order, especially the order of regular customers. To apologize for what happened, to show his appreciation for your steady business and to encourage you to return, the manager should have comped the entire meal.
But to answer your question: In a perfect world, the restaurant would tip the server on the "free" drinks. But the world isn't perfect, and the server would have been stiffed on a tip for those drinks had your husband not left one. So he did the right thing, and for more reasons than one. The last thing you want to be known for at a restaurant you frequent is poor tipping.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I inherited a good deal of money from my father and grandfather. Both were strong believers in "family," and they were proud that they had accumulated enough resources to provide for future generations. I know that in leaving me the money they did, they expected me to keep it in the family. I have no children, though. And while my brother has two daughters, they live thousands of miles away, and we've never been close. So what I'd like to do is leave my money to my nephews and nieces on my late wife's side, folks I see frequently and like very much. But I'm concerned that doing so would be repudiating everything the people who left me this money believed in. What's the right call here?
-- Tom
DEAR TOM: Inherited wealth can be such a bother.
Kidding aside, if your father and grandfather so strongly wanted the money they left you to stay in the family, they should have prepared wills that ensured that it did. Since they didn't, the money you inherited from them is yours to do with as you please. This doesn't mean that you should assign no weight to your forebears' feelings. Given the respect you have for them and their wishes, and given their generosity to you, it would be wrong not to leave a share of your family's money to your brother's daughters. But there is no need to leave them all of it. By all means, include your nieces and nephews on your late wife's side in your will. Although your grandfather and father might disagree, these folks are "family" as well.
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Family on 05/18/2016