DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: When my husband's mother died, his brother's bossy wife, "Nora," put herself in charge of divvying up Mom's belongings. I'd been very close to my mother-in-law (my own mother died when I was young), and the one thing of hers I wanted was her monogrammed silverware. Nora grabbed it for herself, and I thought that was that. Well, recently Nora called to say she no longer wants the silver, and she's offering it to us for -- get this! -- $2,500. I was shocked. For one thing, that silver is a family heirloom, and I believe a relative shouldn't have to pay for a family heirloom. And for another, the price is ridiculously high. So what should we do? By the way, if we had Mom's silverware, we'd leave it to our children. But Nora and her husband don't have any kids.
-- M.G.
DEAR M.G.: Does Nora have an antiques store, or does she just like to toy with her in-laws?
Look, you don't need us to tell you that Nora is neither a generous spirit nor a sentimental one. But that's beside the point. The question you should ask yourself is: How much do you want your mother-in-law's silverware? Because while it would be nice -- though by no means an ethical imperative -- for Nora to simply give it to you, apparently that's not how she rolls. Our advice: Investigate what your mother-in-law's pattern is selling for on eBay. If it's significantly less than $2,500, perhaps you can persuade Nora to lower her price.
A word to the wise, however: Leave out of the negotiation your plan to one day give the silver to your children. Childless couples rarely are impressed by the argument that having children gives someone else a superior moral claim to a valuable heirloom.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I have six siblings, all of whom I love. One sister's daughter will soon be getting married -- she's the first of the nephews and nieces to do so -- and my other five brothers and sisters want each of us siblings to chip in $300 toward a joint wedding present. The thing is, my partner and I don't have children, and we don't have a lot of money either. Must I pay for one-sixth of my niece's gift anyhow? So you know, all my brothers and sisters have children -- 17 kids in all.
-- B.R.
DEAR B.R.: Uh-oh. Just when you were closing in on the last graduation gift, they're starting to pair off.
Seriously, we sympathize. By all means opt out of the group wedding gift before it sets a precedent -- a precedent you can't afford. It would be one thing if your siblings asked you to pay a portion of, say, your mother's medical bills. But wedding presents are not an expense you're obligated to share. So let your siblings know that the gift they've selected is too pricey for you and that you'll be giving the happy couple a present on your own, one that fits your budget. No one can take exception to that.
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Family on 05/25/2016