Holiday planner still on wish list

(This column originally ran in November 2013. Tammy tweaked it to reflect changes in her family, but she remains overwhelmed and in the need of a holiday planner.)

I’ve heard of wedding planners, but what I need is a holiday planner.

It used to be simple when Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around.

When I was a kid, we’d pile in the car (OK, so it was only my brother and me, so it wasn’t really a pile) and go, not over the river and through the woods, but down a two-lane northeast Arkansas highway to Granny’s or Nano’s house, who lived just a few miles from each other.

Christmas morning was usually at our family’s house, or my Nano’s, and the relatives came later. There weren’t many because my mom has only one brother, and my dad has one sister.

Simple.

When I got married, it became a little more complicated. My husband is one of four children. We had to share, but we usually had Thanksgiving at the in-laws’ because my late mother-in-law’s birthday was in November. Christmas was there every other year.

When I had kids, it got a lot trickier, but the hardest part was packing all the presents to take with us, but that was in our minivan years, and we managed. Every other year — my family, his family.

One time I decided that we were staying home. It was a bold choice. It was also the most boring Christmas ever.

Now, my little boys are men (I’m writing it but not accepting it), and the older one is married (yea!). My younger son graduated from college and moved to Kentucky; the older one is going to grad school and working as an assistant manager at a store, which means we have to wait to see his work schedule to plan things.

My brother got married and has two kids and in-laws. We have to work around his call schedule as a surgeon, so that’s one of the first things to figure out.

Then, my sister-in-law and dad have birthdays the same day in December. Birthdays in December should not be allowed — just pick another date.

So, this year, we have been in negotiations for weeks about how to work in Thanksgiving, birthdays and Christmas and make everybody happy.

Well, that’s impossible; I can tell you right now. I needed mediation.

We’ve taken food orders, too, something else a holiday planner could help with. We’ve got three strong pro-mashed-potato people (and really, who isn’t), but two like creamy, and one son asked for lumpy “like Jane’s,” my husband’s sister, who mashes hers by hand. We were scheduled to be at her house for Thanksgiving this year, along with the son who likes the lumpy potatoes.

I do my one-time-a-year baking and make pumpkin pies; one with a gluten-free crust for a relative.

We’ve gotten Christmas with my family figured out, at least for the moment. We’ll be there on Christmas Day this year, and my mother has proclaimed that we will NOT open presents for eight hours straight, like we usually do.

I think we have it worked out to where if we get everyone in the house Saturday night, up by 7 a.m. Sunday for breakfast, start opening presents at 9, eat lunch at noon, take two short breaks — one bathroom, one water — and then start in on birthday celebrations, we might get it all done.

My college-teacher husband said many of his students majoring in public relations want to be event planners. He doesn’t think the world needs that many.

I have two words: holiday planners. I’ll let them intern at my house.

Senior writer Tammy Keith can be reached at (501) 327-0370 or tkeith@arkansasonline.com.

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