Now that I've got the check in hand, I can tell a story.
As some of you might remember, a few months ago I broke up with my TV and Internet service provider. And, after the tears, they determined I was owed a modest refund. I was told I'd receive the check within a few weeks. When I didn't--and I believe to the core of my heart that these companies systemically withhold refunds in hopes that people won't ask for them-- I began a campaign to get back a sum that, as I wrote one of their C-level executives, "wouldn't change my life or his lunch plans but would matter to a significant percentage" of their customers.
But before I got to that level, I had an interesting conversation with a mid-level customer service representative who revealed the reason my refund had been held up was because their equipment recovery investigators hadn't been able to determine that I had returned all my equipment. Yes, that is a fair paraphrase of what she said.
I told her I had returned all my equipment and got a receipt at the time. And I had even asked, "Is there anything missing? Are we all OK now?" and received assurances that we were.
That was all fine, the customer service rep said, and I would likely get my check soon. Just as soon as the special Equipment Recovery Team had determined I wasn't holding out.
But they can't determine that, I said. I asked the customer service rep if she's ever heard the colloquialism "you can't prove a negative?" (Hold on, budding logicians and epistemologists: I know in some cases you can prove a negative; it's a semantic trick.) My point was there was no way short of magic the ERT could positively prove I wasn't in possession of their stolen equipment.
While the conversation was frustrating--she told me the ERT had its ways of finding things out, but she had no way of contacting them directly and couldn't put me in touch with them so I could inquire about the drones with thermographic imaging capabilities they'd no doubt soon be sending over my house or the mind-melding Jedi Spocks on their way to ask me where I buried that stolen router--it actually helped. It made me realize the only way to get my money back was to find the email address of the highest ranking person in the company I could reach and make him believe I was willing to make a horrible pest of myself for as long as it took to get the refund. I needed to make him believe I enjoyed typing 6,000-word emails about the relative pittance they were refusing to pay me.
So I made contact, and now, slightly less than three weeks later, I've got a check for the refund they agreed they owed a few months ago. And I feel like a winner.
And I am, because most of you, faced with the same situation, wouldn't have gotten your money back. Most of you would probably have figured it wasn't worth it, and maybe you would have been right. Life is too short to spend a lot of time squabbling with faceless bureaucracies that don't care about doing the right thing but only want to maximize profit margins and service their stockholders. I know that I didn't get my refund because I was owed my refund but because at some point someone high enough in the chain of command determined it was cheaper to go ahead and pay the money owed me than it was to deal with my nonsense and whatever paperwork was generated by the complaints I would have invariably filed with the Better Business Bureau and the Federal Communications Commission and my local city director.
I turned myself into a squeaky wheel and got a little less injustice.
I'm not pretending for a minute that I did it for you or for any cause nobler than our joint checking account. I'm not your crusading consumer reporter on your side and please don't send me your hard-luck stories about the people who took your money and didn't tar your roof or pave your driveway. I'm just giving you a tip: Regardless of what the Supreme Court says, corporations aren't people. They don't possess compassion or empathy and they are not persuaded by cogent reasoning. In order to get them to do something, you have to convince them that doing something is in their best interest.
But while my mission was selfish, maybe there is a bigger lesson here.
We can cry and moan about how it's a shame that the world works this way, or we can understand that this is the way things are done. Anyone who puts faith in a corporate entity must understand the calculus underpinning every bargain: You have to pay to get what you want. You have to expect that your value to the entity is being constantly assessed.
This is one reason why government shouldn't be run like a business, and it also explains how and why government works the way it does. You have to get the attention of your representatives if you want them to represent you, and if--like most of us--you can't get that attention by giving them gobs of money, then you have to be prepared to make a nuisance of yourself in order to get results.
I'm not saying you shouldn't ask nicely. I'm saying you have to ask nicely again and again and again. And that it works better if you call than if you write a letter. And that it works best if you show up in person.
And again, most of you aren't going to do that. That's OK. It's a lot of work, and maybe you can't afford to invest the time. So maybe you need to give a little money to groups who care about the same issues you do, so they can multiply it and make more-or-less polite nuisances of themselves on your behalf.
Maybe you just need to pay more attention.
Because ultimately we're responsible for whatever mess this country gets into. We're the owners, whether we exercise the prerogatives of ownership or not. We just hired a new guy who--when viewed in the absolute best light--is a real wild card. It's probably not the time to sit back and trust that anyone is going to keep their promises. Because promises are cheap, and there's always a certain credulous portion of the population that will be mollified by them. A lot of people will just accept a promise and go on their way.
Don't be those people. Stand up for what you're owed--a greater America.
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Philip Martin is a columnist and critic for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Email him at pmartin@arkansasonline.com and read his blog at blooddirtandangels.com.
Editorial on 11/29/2016