Note: Otus the Head Cat is on super secret special assignment this week and, as promised in the last readers' poll, here is his "classic" column that ran on Jan. 16, 1993, and the fan letter that prompted the revival. How many of the referenced 1992 news stories do you recall?
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Dear Otus,
Disclaimer: Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of 👉 humorous fabrication 👈 appears every Saturday.
I have been a devoted weekly reader of yours since the beginning in 1980. Congratulations on your recent Certificate of Excellence Award for First Place, Humorous Columns, Larger Dailies from the Arkansas Press Association. It was richly deserved.
Special request: The next time you have to be out of the office and rerun one of your "classic" columns, I'd love to read that one that you wrote just before Bill Clinton was inaugurated as president. Ah, those were the good ol' days and that one, when you were still on the Voices page, was especially funny. Hillary is all over the news these days and it would be apropos to revisit that magical time.
-- Tom McLarty,
Hope
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Well, it's finally here. The Clintonian New Camelot begins tomorrow with the big fete champetre on the Mall in D.C., followed by all the little feterita about town.
It's time for Arkansas to bid Bill and Hillary a fond adieu and good luck in their new lives in Washington. They'll probably never be back, so our hopes and prayers go with them on the bus. And at this time for new beginnings, it's time to clean out the column leftovers for another year.
It's often enlightening to sit down and review a year's worth of Head Cat columns in one sitting. Some were prophetic, most were apocryphal, some were downright silly. But what I found most fascinating were the lines and paragraphs that had to be cut due to space limitations.
Putting the Voices page together each day is like a big computerized jigsaw puzzle. My deathless prose and pearls of wisdom occasionally have to be surgically shortened by our crack professional editors.
Fortunately, I saved all the deleted parts and print them now as a public service. Drag out your 1992 Head Cat scrapbook and pencil them in at the appropriate places.
January: "Afterwards, President Bush declined the dessert of mousse with saki sauce, much to the embarrassment of the Japanese."
"... which is why the Bills are a sure thing in the Super Bowl. The Redskins may as well not show up."
February: "Besides, the Winter Olympics biathlon should include live targets for the shooters to make it more real. Small fur-bearing animals would do."
"Perot stands as much chance of getting on all 50 ballots as Mike Tyson does doing hard time in the hoosegow."
March: "So, Andy and Fergie have split. The mind boggles at the enormity of it all. Anglophiles weep at this, the lowest the royal family could ever ever sink."
April: "... and when the cops are convicted, all of Los Angeles and supporters of Rodney King everywhere will rejoice at the triumph of American justice."
May: "All the fuss over Dan Quayle and Murphy Brown is so much Hollywood hype. I imagine Dan'll find ways to get even over the next four years."
June: "Now that Clinton has the nomination locked up he'll probably take a couple of months off to just let it all soak in."
July: "So Perot has quit. I told you he wasn't a serious candidate."
"Our Olympic basketball team has way too many superstars. They'll probably trip over their egos and get whomped by Upper Slobvobia or somebody."
August: "Can you believe all this fuss being made over a little hurricane approaching the East Coast? Hey, these things come and go over there like spring showers."
September, October: Nothing was cut out during these months.
November: "Now that our boy Bill has been elected, Little Rock can look forward to getting back to normal."
December: "I'll bet the Marines will have Somalia taken care of in a week."
"... and now Chuck and Di?! Life no longer has any meaning."
Until next time, Kalaka says be sure to look for Elvis during the presidential gala.
Disclaimer
Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of
Z humorous fabrication X
appears every Saturday. Email:
mstorey@arkansasonline.com
HomeStyle on 10/01/2016