As our hot, then wet, then stormy/electricity-robbing, then just wet again, then just hot again summer is drawing to a close, we can breathe a sigh of relief that we are not about to get invaded by aliens after all.
Recently it was reported that the Ratan-600, the radio telescope at the Zelenchukskaya observatory in Russia picked up an "odd signal" in May 2015 that appeared to be coming from a star bearing the name HD 164595 (which, unlike "Zelenchukskaya," we can spell). The radio signal got the alien-seekers at SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) all agog, and they began peeping and peering at the star, some 94 light years up the road. Could it be? Well, maybe not: Then we learned via Aug. 31 reports that the signal actual is coming from Earth ... "nothing more than a terrestrial disturbance caused by a Soviet satellite," according to a Sciencealert.com article bearing the subheadline, "The call came from inside the house." As if to say "Heck yeah!," a Facebook satellite rocket blew up a day later.
Having seen the 1996 movie Independence Day probably 5,396,261 times (but, oddly, having not seen this year's Independence Day: Resurgence yet), I always have that "what if" at the back of my mind. Having also seen older, newer, and sequel versions of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, It Came From Outer Space, Men in Black, Alien, Predator, Alien Vs. Predator, Battle Los Angeles, Battleship, Edge of Tomorrow, Signs, The Fifth Wave ... it's easy to let the ol' imagination run away.
Satellite, schmattelite -- could they be lying about the signal being nothing? Could it be that we're all going to end up holed up in our basements -- well, storm cellars -- well, lean-tos -- and screaming, "Not my blood!"? Or will we end up as gourmet meals for aliens who pretended to come in peace, pretended to want to Serve Man and solve all our problems, but were just making us healthy and defenseless for the kill? Or, would the aliens be like the wimpy creatures in the movie District 9 -- sick, broken-down refugees, relegated by us to the wrong side of town?
Well, there could be one more possibility. Yes, it's aliens ... but they're friendly and just want to come and hang out with us a while, do some couch surfing. Maybe they'd want to indulge in some baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and American cars with us. Perhaps they will simply want to hunker down with us and watch heavy doses of HGTV, reality shows, woman-in-peril movies on Lifetime, or judge shows peppered with lawyer commercials. Do some onscreen celebrity-chasing and check the endless images and reports of Rihanna and Drake getting lovey-dovey.
Or maybe they'd be open to taking the more interesting culture-immersion route. If they land in Arkansas any time soon, they need to get used to the fact that they'll have to learn the Razorback cheer, because it's football season and this here is purely "Woo Pig! Sooey!" country. If they can't hang with that, the critters can just get themselves to Texas or Mexico, where they'll no doubt be mystified by Donald Trump pinatas, wondering what manner of shrinking, mummifying civilization this is. (Or they can take themselves to California, where they can also buy the pinatas ... or bid on that remaining nude Trump statue.)
Maybe our presidential election in general, smartphone worship, terrestrial attacks (from terrorists and hackers alike) and our clashing togetherness and division -- against the backdrop of the glorifying/damning power of social media -- would make them feel sorry for us and cut their visits short ("Beam us up, Ikthor! There's no intelligent life here!")
But getting back to the possibility that there are aliens, and they do want to take over the planet, how would we fight them? Nuclear bombs up their whatevers, a la Independence Day? Our own bacteria, a la War of the Worlds?
Nah. Just like that Twilight Zone episode where the tall-tale-telling guy repelled hostile aliens with his harmonica, we could bring 'em to their knees with a Razorback call.
Send your own signals:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 09/11/2016