DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Recently, I went out to dinner with my son, his wife and his wife's mother. At my son's request, we took my car, which he drove. When we got to the restaurant, the parking lot was full, so my son let the three of us out and drove off to park the car. After dinner, when he went to get the car, he discovered that it had been towed. Seems that my son, instead of parking on the street, had parked in the parking lot of another business and, in doing so, had failed to see the tow-away sign. Which leads me to ask: Who pays the fine?
-- Roseanne
DEAR ROSEANNE: Not you. Parking in a tow-away zone was your son's mistake, and it's his to remedy. But that said, there'd be nothing wrong with volunteering to split the fine with him. After all, he did do the driving, apparently at your behest.
Also, who paid for dinner? If it was your son, you and your son's mother-in-law should consider offering to pay the entire fine. Because while parking in the tow-away zone was solely his fault, one generous gesture nevertheless deserves another.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My son's girlfriend's parents took him with them when they toured the West Coast colleges to which his girlfriend is thinking of applying. While they were out there, they also visited some of the schools my son is considering. I think this was lovely of them, and "Connor" had a wonderful time. But my mother thinks I shouldn't have let these folks pay for the trip. She says accepting that kind of generosity makes Connor seem like a charity. She also says she doesn't want Connor to think there's something wrong with us because we can't afford the luxurious style of travel these people introduced him to. I think Mom's crazy. The "Morgans" like Connor a lot, they can easily afford the first-class air travel and high-end hotels and restaurants they treated him to, and our son is a level-headed kid. Who's right?
-- L.L.
DEAR L.L.: An ice-cream cone is a treat. A trip costing thousands of dollars is something altogether different. In allowing your teenage son to accept this kind of largesse -- a gesture we gather you are unable to reciprocate -- you've implicitly acknowledged that he is, as your mother says, a charity, at least with respect to his girlfriend's family. And that's not all. Your mother also is right to worry that your child could be seduced by the Morgans' luxurious lifestyle, leading him to become disappointed in his family. Plus, he's inadvertently learned the virtues of freeloading.
To be clear, we believe you that the Morgans were just being nice when they invited your son on their college tour and that they can easily afford to treat him to luxury travel. But so what? It's not what their generosity to Connor says about them, it's what accepting it says about you and what it teaches your son.
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Family on 04/26/2017