What's in a Dame

The timing of phenom eclipses all

Anyone else totally fail the total eclipse?

Actually, the eclipse hasn't happened yet as I write this. But I just know that I'm going to mess it up in an Ursa Major way. I haven't even gone ISO (that's in search of) a pair of ISO-compliant (that's International Organization for Standardization) safety glasses. I didn't plan to travel or take time off. So I'll certainly be right here at my desk as I am now, dealing with deadlines between bites of takeout.

Who schedules shindigs of such galactic magnitude on a Monday anyway?

It's a joke. Don't flame me like the poor mother who asked on social media if the timing of Monday's eclipse viewing party at the Perot Museum of Nature and Science in Dallas could -- bless her heart -- be changed: "Most kids go back to school that day. Can it be done on the weekend?" Asked one commenter quizzically: "Did this lady just ask to reschedule the sun?"

I'm not suggesting we reschedule the sun, of course.

Though I do wonder if it couldn't be hurried up a bit. The site Arkansassky.com estimated that in Little Rock, the eclipse would begin at 11:48 a.m., reach its maximum at 1:19 p.m. and end at 2:47 p.m. Three hours is a long time to stare at something, knows anyone whoever sat -- or slept -- through Titanic, the 2005 King Kong or any Lord of the Rings movie.

Besides, it's 2017. We don't have to watch anything in real time. We can experience nature in the most unnatural way, catching the highlights later on YouTube, the news or our news feeds at least until our attention span -- Ooh, a funny pig video! Oh, a message notification! -- fizzles.

And we can do so while turning the volume down on Bonnie Tyler's angsty 1983 hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart" wailing in the background. Decades later, we couldn't find one more song with the word "eclipse" in it?

For those of us who evaded the eclipse, maybe our corneas (which -- on the plus side -- sustained no damage) did not capture the solar corona and maybe we missed the celestial event of the century. But we can always be first on board with the next big thing. There's always a next big thing.

Let's see what other significant occasions are coming up:

U.S. Open: The tennis tourney opens in New York on Monday. Expect players such as Maria Sharapova and Denis Shapovalov to make a lot of racket.

Kardashians: Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kendall and Kylie celebrate 10 years on the tube. Although it feels like so much longer, it has been a mere decade since Keeping Up With the Kardashians debuted. They'll celebrate with a special to air Sept. 24. Wait, that's not their anniversary. The series premiered on E! on Oct. 14, 2007. Details, details. Apparently the Kardashians can't even keep up with the Kardashians.

World Series: Major League Baseball's biggest bat-tle begins Oct. 24. We can't wait to see who wins. Will it be hot dogs or nachos?

Stranger Things: The second season of the Netflix sci-fi thriller series will be released Oct. 31. Finally, we'll find out what happened to poor Barb! Wait, actress Shannon Purser, who plays her, isn't returning to the show? We'll never see Barb again? Actually we will if we attend Hot Springs' Spa Con, scheduled for Sept. 22-24. Purser is scheduled to appear.

Thor: Ragnarok: A third Thor movie is coming out Nov. 3. It's always Thor-oughly exciting to see actor Chris Hemsworth sleeveless and/or shirtless.

If none of those options strikes you as particularly stellar, well, there's always the next total eclipse. Look, there's one happening in just seven years -- it takes place April 8, 2024!

Never mind. It's on a Monday, too.

Turn around, bright eyes and email:

jchristman@arkansasonline.com

What's in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman 'hood. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.

Style on 08/22/2017

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