We (or is that oui?) at Le Spin Cycle don't speak much French.
We know just enough to say that a story out of Le Figaro newspaper -- "Un Francais demande 45 millions d'euros a Uber pour avoir precipite son divorce" -- is tres magnifique!
A French man is suing Uber for $45 million for causing his divorce. No, wait d'euros means "euros." One euro at press time was equal to 1.06 U.S. dollars. So he's suing Uber for a larger sum: $47,700,000.
Usually when a couple engages in a car spat, it's because of the other's mal driving. ("If you don't quit with the road rage and slow down this minute ... aaaaaack! We're going to dieeeeee! ... That's it! I'm calling the police and then my attorney!") Or at least it's about their cars' appearance, maintenance or storage ("Can you please fix those junkers you have cluttering the yard? Just enough so that you can then drive them far, far away?").
So it's odd that a ride-sharing service would prompt a divorce. But it did in the case of this French businessman from Cote d'Azur -- we'll call him Monsieur.
Monsieur valued his marriage to his wonderful wife -- we'll call her Madame -- so much. So, so much. When he needed a ride, he didn't trouble Madame for one; he didn't want to put her out. Instead, out of consideration for her, he borrowed her iPhone. (We're not sure why he didn't use his own, but hey, they're lovingly married -- what's hers is his.) And he arranged for an Uber to transport him.
Where was the devoted husband going?
To plan Madame a birthday surprise party?
To pick up anniversary flowers?
To work overtime so he could take her on a romantic luxury vacation? Ooh la la!
Well, we're sure Monsieur -- the ever-generous spouse -- was eventually going to get around to those things. Right after a trip to see his maitresse. Even those who haven't taken one French class can guess what maitresse means. Hint: It's not a mattress store.
It means mistress. The committed Monsieur was committing adultery. But in the most responsible way. He logged out of the Uber app on Madame's phone and went about his business, without disturbing her. The way good husbands do.
There was just one problem. Uber continued sending notifications to Madame's phone about his whereabouts, alerting her to his pickup and drop-off times and essentially informing her of his affair. The couple split and now Monsieur blames not himself but Uber.
As he sees it, it's not his fault for sneaking, cheating and ultimately separating. It's the ride service's fault for inadvertently snitching. None of this would have happened without his philandering, er, this faulty application.
We wondered why his finger-pointing stopped there when there are so many other people Monsieur could condemn for his deceit, deeds and divorce.
Why not sue his local government? Had there been enough suitable public transportation, he never would have needed to hitch the Uber ride. It's their lack of services that started him on this rocky road.
Why not sue Apple? It created the phone that the Uber app was downloaded to. Had the company upgraded their operating system earlier, this bug, which was corrected by an update, wouldn't have happened. How irresponsible.
Why not sue the mistress? She's the one who made herself so irresistible that Monsieur had no choice but to see her by any means necessary. Were it not for her, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. It's all her fault. It's also the fault of her perfume maker, makeup manufacturer, hair stylist, personal fitness trainer, etc. Sue her entire glam squad too.
Why not sue his employer? At least if he had been paid more, he could have afforded a private limousine and kept his affair more discreet. Besides, had he been kept busier with work, he wouldn't have had the time to carry on this extracurricular relationship. The whole company is culpable.
Why not sue his wife? She's the one who downloaded that Uber app. Not to mention, she owned the phone that led to the hiccup. And she didn't accept his "Working late at the office" lies when Uber informed her differently. Besides, aren't French women supposed to be more tolerant of their partners' infidelity? She's the real troublemaker here.
Perhaps Monsieur will win his case and $47,700,000. And maybe after all this turmoil, he can happily ride off into the sunset.
Not likely.
Who's going to offer him a ride?
Take the high road and email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 02/19/2017