After experiencing loss, a Searcy couple have made it their mission to help others through grief recovery.
Dennis and Terri Rine volunteer with Spark of Life, a Searcy-based grief-recovery nonprofit that offers grief retreats and workshops across the country. The Rines are one of three Searcy couples who facilitate the retreats, which are held in states such as Alaska, Arkansas, Tennessee, Connecticut, Minnesota and others.
“On the retreats, we try to get to those who have suffered and lost hope,” said Dennis Rine, guidance counselor at Harding Academy. “It’s a Thursday evening through Sunday afternoon program to help those who are grieving to get tools to help them grieve properly and to let them know they can live with hope.”
David and Debbie Mathews, who co-founded Spark of Life after the death of their grandson in 2007, encouraged the Rines to attend their first Spark of Life retreat in 2010, a year after their daughter, Micah, was found murdered in Tennessee. According to the Associated Press, Micah’s husband pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and was sentenced to 25 years without parole.
In 2012, the Rines became retreat facilitators.
Terri Rine said retreats begin with attendees sharing their experiences on Thursday, and that their loss can come in many forms, such as losing a child, a marriage, finances or other circumstances.
“Throughout the next two days, on Friday and Saturday, we just give them tools that are instructional in nature,” said Rine, who teaches at Harding University and the University of Central Arkansas. “They’re broken up into groups, but the groups are only one to two other people, and it won’t be a person whose loss is exactly like yours. We give them instruction and give them a little bit of homework, and we come back together, and they share in their groups.”
Aside from transportation, the retreat is provided at no cost to attendees.
“We decided early in the process not to charge,” David Mathews said. “[People who had grieved] had told us that oftentimes when people experience the loss of a family member, there’s a lot of money involved and financial hardship. Our board decided not to charge anything.”
Retreats are held at lodges or bed-and-breakfasts that are “plush” and provide an environment full of food, pampering and love, Rine said. Each year, a Spark of Life gala is held in Little Rock to help raise money to make the retreats possible.
“Spark of Life is a nonprofit, and so depending on how well our fundraising is, that makes the difference on how many retreats we can have,” Rine said. “If we can get the funding, we could have a retreat every weekend. If the funding is not there, we can’t do that.”
So far, Spark of Life has held 70 retreats with 982 total attendees, Mathews said. The retreats are for people 18 and older. Mathews said attendees have even come from countries such as Australia, Nigeria, Canada and Puerto Rico.
Unlike what many may have been taught, there are not five stages of grief, Rine said.
“I had never really studied it or knew much about it, but I had always heard of the five stages of grief, and that was nice to know that I didn’t have to go through those,” she said.
Rine said grief may cause someone to be forgetful or distracted, to overeat or not eat, or to oversleep or not sleep enough.
“You don’t have a broken brain; you have a broken heart,” she said. “Something very devastating has happened to you that has broken your heart. … There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, everything is right with you because you are grieving.”
At the retreats, there are certain responses that are discouraged.
“Comparing loss is discouraged. That does nothing for you and helps you none whatsoever,” Rine said. “We just try really hard to encourage each person to deal with their own issues and their own losses and not compare. We also discourage the participants from giving advice. … It may do nothing for the other person. Respect people where they are.”
Mathews said Dennis and Terri Rine have helped Spark of Life by being open with their experiences.
“Their story is so compelling with the loss of their daughter, and they’ve both been in education all their lives,” Mathews said. “Every loss is different — even if it’s a similar loss, it’s still different because everybody’s loss is theirs. When you have different people at your retreat and different kinds of losses by the leaders, it just helps. Our leaders are very vulnerable and open about their own struggles, so we just try to create an environment of vulnerability and safety.”
Dennis Rine said volunteering with Spark of Life has affected his interaction with students as a guidance counselor.
“I think it allowed me to be more empathetic with those who are suffering right now,” he said. “I got to talk with two girls today who have lost their dad and try to help them through this process. As a guidance counselor, it helps to be a grief counselor as well.”
Terri Rine said being a Spark of Life facilitator reminds her of 2 Corinthians 1, which covers comforting others in their time of trouble with the comfort received from God.
“Searcy is a really tight community,” she said. “Everybody knows everybody — public school, private school and in between. Everyone was so loving and kind and great to us. I’ve been on the receiving end of such wonderful love and affection by a lot of people. … I just feel like [2 Corinthians 1] is a directive. Everybody has loss, and loss hurts. That’s just going to be universal. To me, it’s a very important part of our lives.”
Currently, Spark of Life aims to encourage more businesses to send employees in need to the organization’s retreats.
The Rines facilitated six retreats last year, and Dennis Rine said they will facilitate at least three this year, starting in the spring.
“It’s not always easy to deal with loss,” he said. “That was a difficult thing, but it’s what we’re called to do to help give hope.”
For more information, visit sparkoflife.org.
Staff writer Syd Hayman can be reached at (501) 244-4307 or shayman@arkansasonline.com.