How to avoid offending people on social media during these politically divisive days.
1. Post jokes.
"Why did the liberal cross the road?" No, not like that.
"Knock, knock. ... Republican, who?" No, not like that.
Nevermind. Just avoid humor altogether. This is not going to go well. Marching right along. Ack, no march jokes either.
2. Posts about children.
Everyone smiles when they see pictures of adorable, well-dressed, respectful children on social media.
Well, not all children.
Hey, that's 15-year-old Sasha Obama; leave her out of this, you bully!
Wait, that's 10-year-old Barron Trump; leave him alone, you meanie!
3. Post food pictures.
It's universally considered lame to post food photos (not that it has stopped me; if I make dinner, it is documented for the entire globe to see, darn it). But these days, such doses of normalcy and neutrality are refreshing. Just make sure the foods are sustainable, farm-to-table, organic, cruelty-free, egg-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free, GMO-free, soy-free and peanut-free. In other words, food-free.
4. Support people.
Even if you don't agree with someone's political stance, you can surely find something pleasant to say to him or her.
Examples from both sides: "I don't really understand your reasons for protesting a decided free election, but hey, that, um, anatomically correct costume you're wearing looks great on you; pink really is your color." And: "I can't for the life of me figure out why you'd vote for that orange guy, but, hey, I like Nacho Cheese Doritos, too!"
And when they yell back at you in all-caps, that's just another opportunity to offer admiration. "I want you to know that I praise your passion ... no matter how misdirected it is!"
5. Post animal pictures.
Who doesn't love soft, furry animals? Like donkeys -- um, not those. Like elephants -- uh, not those either. Swine? Too likely to bring up male chauvinist pig jokes. Cats? They have gotten political with all the grab-speak and pink hats. Dogs. Everyone still loves dogs, right? Well, they did until Sunny, one of the outgoing president's pooches, bit a White House guest.
Forget it. When it comes to animals, we're chickening (who are you calling a chick? That's so demeaning!) out.
6. Discuss fashion.
Can't we all agree that at the inauguration, Melania Trump looked magnificent in her sky blue Ralph Lauren ensemble? That Hillary Clinton rocked her Ralph Lauren pantsuit/coat? That Michelle looked regal in her burgundy Jason Wu outfit? That President Donald Trump's daughters Ivanka and Tiffany Trump were the picture of perfection in their power white? We can't? Sheesh, even the subject of clothing makes us come apart at the seams.
7. Discuss your favorite entertainment artists/outlets.
Like Madonna, Scarlett Johansson and Ashley Judd who spoke out at the recent march? Mmm, better not. Like Scott Baio, Caitlyn Jenner and Jon Voight who attended Trump's inauguration? Um, not a good idea. Like SNL? Ah, no. We can't even discuss Kim Kardashian (who endorsed Trump's rival Clinton) and Kanye West (who paid a visit to Trump after the election) anymore.
Surely there's some kind of entertainment phenomenon that we all can get behind? The Bachelor! Let's talk about three-time franchise loser Nick Viall and the harem of kooky women -- like that Corinne who is 24 years old and has a nanny named Raquel to take care of her (!) -- who are fighting for him! Nah. Too many people find the show sexist.
And can we really be sure of nanny Raquel's legal status?
8. Power down.
The only way to avoid all social media conflict during these sensitive times is to avoid acquaintances. Flee from Facebook. Split from Twitter. And scram from Instagram. It has another benefit: You'll be conserving energy.
Nevermind. We dare not get into energy policy.
Inaugurate an email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 01/29/2017