I awoke this morning to the sound of children laughing and playing in the pool. I closed my eyes to catch a few moments more of sleep, to no avail. The voices of my grandchildren enticed me to skip sleeping in and join in the joy of all being together.
Our family goes on a vacation together every year. We cook meals together and live as a big family in a house -- usually somewhere that's warm enough for the kids to swim every day. It's a blessing to have the ability to take off during spring break. And it's an even greater blessing that we enjoy being together for seven or more consecutive days.
Our family vacations changed this year. Our younger daughter and her husband finalized their divorce in December, so there is one less member of our family. It's a strange feeling to lose a son. He hasn't died, and yet he is no longer included in our family gatherings. Divorces are tough, and not just for the husband and wife who decide that it is best to no longer live together and raise their family together. It also is tough for the larger family -- the parents who have adopted the "in-law" son or daughter into the family, the cousins, brothers and sisters, extended family and friends.
We love our son-in-law. We continue to co-grandparent with our son-in-law's father. For those who haven't experienced divorce within their families, it's a difficult new reality to explain. Attorneys are hired to do their best for the future of their clients, but in doing so, there can be additional pain inflicted that builds walls between halves of families. At least for me, the pain I've experienced has been more than I ever could have imagined. It's not the same as a death, but it comes pretty close.
Jesus spoke against divorce (Matthew 19:8), which has led many Christian denominations to forbid divorce or severely chastise those who choose to legally end their marriage. The end of a relationship is a sign of the brokenness of all human relationships. I wish there were no need for divorce -- just as I wish there was no need for any means of reconciliation or peaceful resolution to disputes. Sadly, we don't live in the Garden of Eden, and individuals don't always get along -- nor do nations. But just as Jesus Christ was sent into the world due to our brokenness, so too, there will always be the need for Christ's reconciling power.
In Jesus' time, it was easy for a man to divorce his wife and impossible for a woman to divorce her husband. Jesus' words about hardness of heart were specifically directed at the men who held power, as opposed to the women who were so easily discarded. If a marriage did not produce children (And a marriage was understood as the means of "producing" children.), it was deemed the woman's fault and certainly cause for discarding her in hopes another woman could give a man the offspring he desired to continue his lineage. Divorce during Biblical times always placed economic burdens on a woman, who no longer had any means of being supported -- especially if she had not borne children or if her father would not take her back.
Such is not the case today. Women can as easily divorce a man as a man can divorce a woman. And often, a divorce can rescue a woman -- or a man -- and children from an abusive situation in which they are not safe. Divorces can benefit both a man and a woman when the relationship has become toxic and reconciliation is impossible.
I have heard sermons preached on the subject of divorce that have inflicted pain into already painful situations -- as though it was Jesus' practice in Christ's ministry on earth to condemn. Rather, Jesus always offered hope to those burdened by the law and a way to new life in spite of circumstances marred by choices that led to dark places.
I am confident God continues to lead my daughter and her former husband toward goodness in their lives, just as God spoke to the prophet Jeremiah (29:11):
For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.
NAN Religion on 03/25/2017