MONEY MANNERS

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Because he knows that I know much more than he does on the subject, my brother recently asked me for financial advice. The thing is, I've given him advice before, and I know he'll fight me on everything I say, scarcely thank me for my help, and blame me for things over which I have no control (for example, a long wait for customer service at a mutual fund company, or even a bad day on Wall Street). Should I be a nice guy and help him, or should I sit this one out? What keeps me on the fence is that he could really use my advice.

-- B.T.

DEAR B.T.: Has your brother also blamed you for the past seven years of anemic economic growth, or only for not telling him in advance that it was going to occur?

Seriously, you're not the only person in the world to whom he can turn for financial advice; there's an entire industry ready to help him. So let him go to the professionals. They get paid to suffer the ignorant.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I have a birthday gift dilemma. My father, who's 92, lives in a nursing home and often is confused. I'm an only child, my 28-year-old daughter is his only grandchild and, happily, my father still knows us. But his short-term memory is gone, and I handle all of his affairs, including his financial affairs. Here's the issue: My daughter's birthday is coming up -- the first since Dad became so incapacitated -- and I'd like to give her a $100 birthday check from his account and on his behalf. I'm sure this is what my father would want, because it's exactly what he did for years, and he still loves his granddaughter. But my husband's against it. He says that as Dad's fiduciary, I shouldn't be handing out his money to our daughter. My husband also believes that Dad no longer experiences the pleasure of gift-giving, and that our child is old enough to understand the situation. What should I do?

-- Pamela C.

DEAR PAMELA: Write the check. It will be a kindness to your father. Had you asked him 10 years ago what he'd like you to do in this situation, it seems clear he would have said the same thing: "Write the check. Keep the birthday custom intact." So do him this favor.

The fact is, gift-giving is an important family ritual. Just because your father is unable to grasp what's being done on his behalf doesn't mean his granddaughter shouldn't be getting a birthday present from him -- and thanking him. Your father will enjoy her thanks, even if he's not sure what it's for. Only should he no longer know his granddaughter will the time have come for the birthday checks to stop.

But: Magnitude matters -- a lot! -- and our stamp of approval is good only for up to $100. If your father was in the habit of giving your daughter, say, $10,000 for Christmas, that family ritual needs to cease.

Please e-mail your questions about money, ethics and relationships to

Questions@MoneyManners.net

Family on 05/10/2017

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