DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My friend "Brittany" somehow never seems to have her wallet with her when we're out together. So whether it's lunch, a latte or a quick stop at a grocery, I have to pay for whatever she gets. What, if anything, should I do about the situation? Brittany's always appreciative and truly embarrassed that she's "done it again," and sometimes she even remembers to pay me back. Meanwhile, I'm torn between being amused by my friend's behavior and seriously irked. So you know, Brittany has money, she just never has any with her.
-- D.P.
DEAR D.P.: How old is Brittany, 12?
Assuming she isn't, you've probably already considered such options as asking her whether she has her wallet before you go for coffee or telling her to put the milk back on the grocery-store shelf, because you're not paying for it this time. Unfortunately, if you're unwilling to get tough with Brittany and you're tired of laughing off her bad behavior, your only other option, short of ending the friendship, is to avoid, as it were, the occasions of sin. How? Well, the two of you could, for example, binge-watch a TV series, volunteer at a soup kitchen or go for a hike. Just stay away from parks with entrance fees.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I can't stand my mother-in-law. Unfortunately, even though she lives a thousand miles away, she visits every two or three months, always at her own invitation and always staying at least a week. She insists on staying with us, and she never leaves the house, constantly proclaiming, "I'm only here to spend time with my family." (She's in her 60s, by the way; she's not an old lady.) For my wife's sake, I try to be hospitable. And for my sake, my wife tries to discourage her mother from visiting us so often. Now, here's why I'm writing: When "Caroline" visits, she often treats us and the kids to expensive meals. To me, it feels like she's trying to buy our affection, plus establish a claim on our sofa bed. The fact is, we'd much prefer to eat less grandly and have Caroline around only once a year. Would there be anything wrong with saying, "No, thank you," to the fancy restaurants? I don't want to be boorish, but when my mother-in-law invites herself, we need the freedom to say, "Please don't come," without having to worry that she believes she's paid for the right to visit at will.
-- A.R.
DEAR A.R.: Apparently Caroline is unfamiliar with the old country song "How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away" by Dan Hicks.
Kidding aside, A.R., go for it -- just say "no" to the upscale meals, and "no" as well to the invitations your mother-in-law extends to herself to visit. You owe your wife's mother courtesy and respect, but you don't owe it to her to have her as an uninvited and unwelcome, by-the-week house guest every couple of months.
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Family on 05/17/2017