DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Before we got married, my husband and I agreed that we'd keep our finances separate. Plus, we agreed that we'd each leave our own money to our own, grown children from our first marriages. Everything was working fine until my husband asked me to lend his daughter $60,000 to buy a food truck. "Alison" is a very good cook, but she constantly makes poor decisions and has no business sense whatsoever. Bottom line: If I lend her the money, I know I'll never see it again. In addition, I know that I'll feel exceedingly resentful toward my husband for pressuring me into giving his daughter money he knew was earmarked for my children. It's clear, though, that my husband will be equally resentful if I don't make the loan (he can't afford to himself). Your thoughts?
-- A.M.
DEAR A.M.: How easy it is to lend other people's money.
Which is to say, we're on your side. Your husband is wrong here -- not wrong to ask, but completely wrong in his unwillingness to take "no" for an answer. You and he had a deal, a deal in which each of you agreed that your personal wealth is intended exclusively for your own children and not for your stepchildren. In pressuring you to put big bucks into a questionable investment for his daughter, your husband is unequivocally violating the spirit of that deal. But unless you can get him to see the unfairness of his demand, you're stuck -- stuck with having to decide whose resentment you can more easily live with, his or your own. Sorry, but that's not a decision we can help you with.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: For reasons I won't go into, my sister and I haven't spoken for years. Now, through our cousin "Tom," I've learned that my sister and her husband have, by sheer coincidence, booked the same tour of the Galapagos Islands as my wife and I. How do we decide who should cancel? I think my sister should, because she travels a lot and this trip is no big deal for her. But according to Tom, my sister says I should cancel, because I've "never cared that much about traveling." The one thing we agree on is that being on the same small boat for a week would ruin the trip for both of us. What should we do? The cancellation fees are huge.
-- Unhappy
DEAR UNHAPPY: If cousin Tom is willing, have him conduct an auction in which you and your sister bid for the right to go. For example, if you were the high bidder at $2,500, you'd pay your sister that amount, and she'd pay the cancellation fees on her trip and reschedule. An auction works, however, only if you and your sister have roughly equal resources. If one of you can much more easily outbid the other, an auction would be unfair.
Not interested in this solution? Then have your cousin flip a coin to see who goes and who stays. It's that or play chicken and hope that your sister bails out first.
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Family on 10/11/2017