Minding our diplomatic manners

Our president recently tweeted this at us: "Mike Pompeo, Director of the CIA, will become our new Secretary of State. He will do a fantastic job!"

Exciting. The guy in charge of getting dirt on other countries will become the guy in charge of getting along with other countries. What could possibly go wrong?

The change means Secretary of State Rex Tillerson becomes Rex the Ex today, freeing him to spend more time at the 5,900-square-foot Horseshoe Bay vacation home 45 minutes northwest of Austin he had put on the market last summer for $3.975 million. Last I checked, it hadn't sold and is off the market.

Let's now focus on Pompeo and hope President Donald Trump is correct in his prediction that the former Kansas congressman will do a "fantastic job!" in his new delicate role working for an indelicate president.

Best wishes to Pompeo in his new gig, in which failure could bring us closer to Nuke Year's Eve. I'm doing my part on his behalf today by highlighting portions of the Protocol for the Modern Diplomat, a publication of the State Department's Foreign Service Institute.

It's a handy how-to guide about the finer points of international diplomacy, including napkin usage, proper seating charts, and whether to partake in a toast when you're the toastee.

The manual tells us "the rules and processes of diplomatic protocol are based on pragmatic thinking, common sense and good manners."

That's good. Imagine how bad it'd be if we had a president who didn't exhibit pragmatic thinking, common sense and good manners.

So let's dive in.

• "American casualness is often interpreted as rudeness in other societies," we're told in a very nice way of saying cut-offs probably won't cut it in most diplomatic settings. "What does it say if the representatives of the world's most powerful nation are indifferent to the appropriate respect owed to representatives of other nations or to ranking members of their own staff abroad? This can be taken as a personal or national insult."

Yes. Imagine if a federal official did something like brag about the size of his nuke button or chide a semi-balanced foreign man with rockets as "rocket man."

Some specifics in the State Department's big book of protocol:

• "In some countries, a man kisses a married woman's hand," the manual says about manual greetings. (It's probably best to get the list of those countries pre-kissing.)

• "The exchange of business cards may follow a ritual. Notice how one presents their card and accept it in a similar manner. If two hands are used holding the top corners face up so that you may read it as you receive it, accept it with two hands."

See, right there is something probably not as important in spy world.

• "An ambassador and his/her spouse precede all others when entering or leaving a room. The official place for the ambassador in the car is the back seat, curbside. ... At ceremonies that take place on ships, the ambassador is the first to step on deck and the first to step off, and at airport ceremonies, he/she is the last to board and the first to disembark."

Feel free to try all of this at home, being sure to decide in advance who outranks whom around your house.

• "Rise when ranking guests enter and remain standing until they are seated. As you sit, reserve right end of the sofa for ranking guests."

Now from the "social red flags" section:

• "It is inappropriate to bring a date to a working event." (Especially true if you also bring your spouse.)

• "Tremendous differences exist in how close people stand to socialize, how loudly they speak and how much eye contact they maintain."

I'd think a screamed "Yo, ambassador!" is rarely if ever correct.

I love this under "Local concept of social time:"

• "In some countries, an invitation for 8 p.m. means you should arrive at precisely 8 p.m. In some other countries, it means you should arrive no earlier than 9:30 p.m. To avoid awkward and embarrassing situations, ask questions before attending social events."

Gifts also can be a problem:

• "The type, color and number of flowers you bring, for example, may have a hidden meaning. In Italy, mums are funeral flowers; think twice about bringing them to a dinner party."

And then there are the ins and outs of eating and drinking:

• "If you do drink (alcohol), as a U.S. representative you should drink responsibly so as not to embarrass yourself or your country. If, for health or religious reasons, you absolutely cannot try even a small portion of a particular food or drink, it is acceptable to refuse with a short explanation."

• "Tables of six or eight people are more conducive to conversation than tables of two." Similarly, Aggies should keep in mind that tables of two are more conducive to conversation than tables of one.

And there's this:

• "When giving a toast, rise in place and speak to the entire room. Raise your glass to eye level and look toward the honored person and drink, making eye contact with the honored person. You should then nod and put your glass on the table and sit down. The person being toasted should never drink to himself/herself."

And remember to:

• "Blot lipstick before having a drink (use a tissue or paper napkin only)."

The whole napkin thing is too tricky to paraphrase. So I shall quote at length:

• "The dinner napkin should be taken from the table and placed on your lap when you sit down. Place the dinner napkin (large size) on your lap by unfolding it halfway with the fold facing your body. Luncheon size napkins are smaller than dinner napkins and are unfolded completely. When the meal is over, the napkin should be casually folded from the center and placed on the left side of the plate or, if the plate has already been removed, place the napkin in front of you."

Now that you're a napkin expert, let's go to Styles of Eating, starting with American style.

• "Hold the knife in the right hand and fork in the left to cut food, then put the knife down and transfer fork to the right to lift food to the mouth tines up. Lift the food to the mouth with the tines down. Cut no more than two pieces of food at a time."

Then there's Continental style: "Keep the knife in the right hand and the fork in the left throughout the meal. Lift food to the mouth with the tines down. Cut one piece of food at a time."

Let's end with this perplexing advice about wardrobe:

• "Tuxedo and smoking jacket mean black tie, whereas a Red Sea Rig or Gulf Rig means a tuxedo minus the jacket."

Which begs the question: Pants?

Editorial on 04/01/2018

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