I'm obsessed with the recent -- and costly -- North Carolina case of "alienation of affection."
Emphasis on "alien." This situation is so out-there.
According to Durham's The Herald-Sun, Keith and Danielle King were married in 2010, and they have a 5-year-old daughter. The couple separated, and Danielle moved into an apartment in January 2017.
Keith, after being told Danielle was having an electrical issue at her apartment, went over and knocked on her door.
Someone else answered. It wasn't Danielle. And it wasn't an electrician.
It was Francisco Huizar III -- Danielle's lover. The guy who kept calling Danielle in 2015, who rented a room less than a mile from the Kings' house several times and even rented nearby rooms when the couple was on vacation.
Huizar won't have as much money to travel and rent rooms anymore.
For ruining Keith's marriage, Superior Court Judge Orlando Hudson (the very same one in The Staircase documentary on Netflix I wrote about two weeks ago; he gets all the crazy marital cases!) ruled that lover Francisco owes the jilted husband $8.8 million.
Francisco is appealing the case and probably wishing he never found Danielle appealing.
North Carolina has something called an "alienation of affection law," which allows a spouse who has been jilted due to a third party's actions to pursue a civil lawsuit. Such old-fashioned laws date back to when women were considered property and not consenting adults perfectly capable of making their own choices.
But it works the other way too. The Herald-Sun also reports in that 2011 a North Carolina woman named Betty was awarded a hefty sum when another woman named Betty had an affair with her husband, who owned a trucking company. Betty No. 2 slipped Betty No. 1's husband -- her ex-fiance -- her phone number at his father's funeral. A real class act, that Betty No. 2. We bet Betty No. 2 was really sorry. Or at least she was once she became Betty $30-Million-In-The-Hole. She probably was wishing for her own funeral.
Such laws are only recognized in a handful of states. And, no, Arkansas is not one of them. In addition to North Carolina, never have an affair with anyone in Hawaii, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota or Utah.
But what if we did have an alienation of affection law? And what if it went even further? Forget just suing your ex's lover when there are so many other entities that could be held responsible for your wrecked relationship.
Your spouse and paramour had some help after all. Sue any pertinent social media platforms, hotels, airlines, phone companies, workplaces, churches, concert halls, movie theaters, restaurants, sports arenas, bars, etc. that brought them together.
Your spouse self-improved right out of your league and into another's arms? Sue any relevant plastic surgeons, gyms, cosmetic dentists, hairstylists, manicurists and aestheticians. And then Maybelline, Essie, Estee Lauder, Vidal Sasson, Paul Mitchell and Miss Clairol.
Your spouse had a horrible shopping habit that wreaked havoc on your marriage? Why just blame her, when you can point fingers -- and maybe get cash from -- Abercrombie & Fitch, Charlotte Russe, Michael Kors, Ralph Lauren, J. Jill, Christian Dior, Christian Louboutin and Victoria's Secret. Forget that last one. Had she spent more time with Victoria during the marriage, things probably would have ended differently.
Your spouse couldn't stop buying high-dollar toys and that drove a wedge between you? It's not just his fault. It's John Deere's. And Harley Davidson's. And Henry Ford's. And Sea Ray's. And Smith & Wesson's.
Was your wife a drinker? Surely -- and not Shirley Temple! -- it's also the responsibility of Captain Morgan, Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniel, Jim Beam, Robert Mondavi and Jose Cuervo.
Was your husband more focused on food than you? When it comes to alienation of affection, Baskin-Robbins, Ben & Jerry's, Chef Boyardee, Denny's, Papa John's, Papa Murphy's, Mrs. Fields, Wendy's, Famous Amos, Oscar Mayer, P.F. Chang's and Jimmy Dean most certainly played a role. Speaking of rolls, blame those courtesans of carbs -- Sara Lee and Sister Schubert -- too.
Don't alienate your email:
jchristman@arkansasonline.com
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
Style on 08/05/2018