DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My husband's mother loved bracelets, and had several that were quite valuable. When she died, my father-in-law invited my husband and his brother to each choose two of her bracelets for their respective wives. They did, and I love the bracelets my husband selected. However, my sister-in-law recently told me she wanted to swap one of the bracelets her husband had chosen for one of mine. Specifically, "Erica" wanted to give me a bracelet I don't particularly like in exchange for one I think is really beautiful. When I said I preferred to keep the bracelets I had, she called me selfish, and said that her husband had been closer to his mother than my husband had, so she deserves to have the bracelet she wants. When I didn't give in, she and her husband got mad, and still are. Now my husband, who hates family discord, would like me to give Erica my bracelet. What should I do?
-- T.N.
DEAR T.N.: Take your husband to see Darkest Hour. Maybe Winston Churchill's refusal to negotiate with Hitler will inspire him to see Erica's behavior for what it is -- raw aggression -- and also to see appeasement for what it is, namely: an invitation to an aggressor to make even greater demands.
OK, Erica is no Hitler. But even so, we're only half-kidding. Because if your husband gives in to his sister-in-law's completely unreasonable claim that she's entitled to your bracelet, what's to stop her from insisting, after your father-in-law dies, that she's entitled to whichever of any remaining bracelets she wants? And what's to discourage her husband, who apparently shares her sense of entitlement, from laying claim to whatever personal property he'd like to have?
So, to answer your question, what you should do is stick to your guns. The bracelets were a gift to you from your father-in-law in his wife's memory. Tell your husband to remind his brother and Erica of that and, if need be, to tell these selfish bullies to grow up.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Every year my wife and I make a series of bets with friends on college football bowl games, bets we settle on New Year's Day, when the four of us always go out to dinner. Generally, each person's winnings or losses is around $10-$15. But this year I wound up winning over $60 from our friends. My wife says I should have picked up our joint bar tab that night, but I disagree. Your view?
-- G.S.
DEAR G.S.: Had you won several hundred dollars, treating your friends to a couple rounds of drinks would have been the gracious and appropriate thing to do. But you certainly can't be faulted for failing to pick up a bar tab that couldn't have been much less than the amount you won. Presumably, your friends understand this, even if your wife doesn't. If it turns out they were unhappy, however, they can always suggest changing the stakes to bragging rights next year.
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HomeStyle on 02/17/2018