Gerry Goodin’s husband, Gerald, died in 1997 after the two had been married for 18 years. Two years later, following his death, she read a local newspaper article about a support group called THEOS, or They Help Each Other Spiritually.
“They had a full-page article back then, and I just called the funeral home, and they told me to call one of their members, and she encouraged me to come [to a meeting],” Goodin said.
She said one of the main things that drew her to the group is that she was with people who understood what was going on, and they had the same thing in common.
“For the first two years, my daughters entertained me, and I decided, ‘This is not working,’” Goodin said. “They were giving up their life to entertain Mom and keep me happy.
“That’s when I found this, and I thought it would be the best thing for me.”
THEOS is a Saline County-based group whose goal is “to help widowed people rebuild their lives and help society understand the process of grief,” Goodin said.
The group “helps those who have been left behind to heal, become whole and once again find meaning in life,” said Goodin, who has been the group’s president since 1999.
Goodin grew up in Henderson, Texas, but moved to Arkansas in 1961 after her first husband got a job in the area. She said the best part of being president of THEOS is serving other people in her situation.
“I let my members kind of flow in with my decisions,” she said. “I select someone to serve refreshments for the following month, and we talk about different members who need prayer.
“I try to keep contact with people who are hospitalized or ill.”
THEOS will celebrate its 30th anniversary at 5 p.m. Tuesday at Western Sizzlin, 1916 Congo Road in Benton. Karen Carter, who works for Roller-Ballard Funeral Home in Benton and is the group’s sponsor, said Tuesday would be a perfect time for people who are interested in joining the group to give it a try. The dinner is being provided by the funeral home.
“It is amazing for the relationships and the friendships that are formed within the group,” Carter said. “I think when someone loses a spouse like that, there is a point where you lose hope, and I think this little group kind of re-instills that hope, kind of puts that back in and lets them know there is a tomorrow.”
THEOS meets regularly at 5 p.m. the second Tuesday of every month at the Whispering Pines Community Room in Benton. Those who want to join the group can call Carter at (501) 315-4047 or (501) 315-0700. There is no charge for membership, but after guests have attended three times and want to join, they will have to pay $3 at each meeting. All the money raised goes right back into the group for flowers, hospital stays or any other kind of expense. Currently, there are 20 to 25 members.
“I have done this for 30 years, and they are extremely self-sufficient,” Carter said. “We provide them meat trays for potlucks, calendars and all their printing, but they are absolutely the most endearing little group.”
“Gerry has a large and in-charge personality with a touch of gentle giant in her. She isn’t afraid to step up, she says what she thinks, and she believes what she says. She has truly put her heart into the position for years.”
Carter said THEOS originated in 1988 and was a national organization that the Ballard brothers became a part of, and “they saw a need for support for our families after the services were done.”
“[Roller-Ballard] is the sponsoring funeral home, but we welcome anybody who has suffered a loss of a spouse,” she said. “We want anybody who wants to attend and be involved to feel welcome.
“It is open to anyone.”
“That’s the whole purpose of it,” said Goodin, who lives in Bryant. “We try to have fun, to ease them back into a social life. Everyone in the group has one thing in common, and that’s the death of a spouse.”
“They are walking that walk together,” Carter said.
“We don’t have pity parties,” Goodin said. “If they want to discuss the deaths, that’s fine, but we are just here for spiritual support.”
THEOS has multiple activities throughout the year, such as picnics, trips to the Garvan Woodland Gardens in Hot Springs or Murry’s Dinner Playhouse in Little Rock. Goodin said the members have dinner out once a month and have an annual Thanksgiving potluck and an annual Christmas party.
Goodwin said she has great officers who help her with everything.
“I have to praise them because they are really important to my position there,” she said.
“We here at Roller-Ballard feel so blessed that they have taken their roles seriously and have done great things with and for our THEOS group,” Carter said.
Goodin said the group is mostly made up of women, but one of her best friends that she met in group was Andy Alpe.
“He would always say, ‘It isn’t fair for women to be left behind because of the financial burden they are under when they lose their husbands,’” Goodin said.
Alpe, who died last year, would always be named the king of the group’s Valentine’s Day party.
“It was mainly because he would be the only man who would show up,” Goodin said. “He would swear every time, ‘If ya’ll elect me, I will not come back again.’”
“He was one of those members who could brighten up the group,” Carter said. “And the group did the same thing for him. He loved coming to THEOS because he didn’t feel alone, and that was his OK place.
“He is truly missed.”
Betty Ford, who has been a member since 1999, said she joined the group in a similar fashion. She had read about it in the local paper a couple of months before her husband, Bill, had died.
“I knew he was terminal,” she said. “I am going to need to get into a group that knows what it is like to lose a spouse.
“They have meetings, they go out to eat, and I need to start thinking about being involved and interact with other people.”
Ford’s husband died June 13, 1999, from cancer. The couple had been married for 41 years. Ford said she never thought she would still be involved with the group almost 20 years later.
“I knew a lot of people who were in it, and after Bill passed away, I spent a month or two here, and I knew I needed someone to talk to who could relate to my situation,” Ford said. “There was a woman there, [Lucille Rundle], and whenever I felt down or thought I was going to lose it, I would call her.
“I told her several times, ‘I don’t know what I would do without you.’”
Rundle has since died, but Ford said she was so appreciative of the support her friend gave.
“She kept telling me, ‘Anytime you need me, you call me, day or night,’” Ford said. “She always supported me and listened to me, and I just had a peace and a comfort.”
Ford said she tries to continue that kind of support for other new members.
“It takes a good while to get back,” she said. “Your whole life has been turned upside down, and you feel like you have been thrown away.
“These people know exactly what you have been going through, and it lets you feel more comfortable.”
Ford said that in her case, she doesn’t need to hear any more sad stories.
“Give me something that has joy or pleasure in it,” she said. “This is an opportunity to fellowship and get out and meet new or different people — knowing they are in the same situation I am in.”
Staff writer Sam Pierce can be reached at (501) 244-4314 or spierce@arkansasonline.com.