First let me say I don't mind helping to celebrate the milestone events and accomplishments of those I care for.
I am certainly willing to go that extra mile, in fact, to help friends and loved ones celebrate said events and accomplishments, whether they be 60th birthday parties -- quite a few of which I've been attending lately -- or weddings. As a flower girl, three-time bridesmaid, wedding reception announcer and bridal shower co-planner, I've certainly pulled my duty at the latter. And having been the bride in two weddings, I'm grateful to those who went the extra mile for moi.
But I'm not sure what I'd do if I received an invitation to the wedding of a woman who is marrying ... herself. Guess I'd better figure out what I'd do, because self-marriage is apparently getting to be a thing.
An article by Abigail Pesta at the Woman's Day magazine website (Womansday.com) showcases several women who put a ring on themselves. Brooklyn resident Erika Anderson married herself on her apartment building rooftop, vintage wedding gown and all. Dominique Youkhehpaz married herself at age 22 in her bedroom with no guests in attendance, but announced her action to her friends. Later, Youkhehpaz helped women at Nevada's Burning Man festival to marry themselves; and now has a Self Marriage Ceremonies website. Sasha Cagen, a women's empowerment coach, married herself in Buenos Aires with two guests in attendance.
It sounds akin to that practice some women reportedly have of sending themselves flowers to make people think they have a sweetheart. Except with this ritual, you're acknowledging that you don't have sweetheart and that's OK.
"Self-marriage is a small but growing movement, with consultants and self-wedding planners popping up across the world," Pesta writes, mentioning the Canadian service Marry Yourself Vancouver; a one-person wedding package offered by a Japanese travel agency and a do-it-yourself marriage kit available at the I Married Me website.
As the story also points out, couple marriages are on the slide, numberswise. "Nonetheless, the stigma for single women remains." The self-wedding, Pesta points out, sends the message that the single woman's life is just as meaningful as that of the woman who is seen as going off into the sunset and living happily ever after after getting hitched to another person.
OK, that's all well and good. At least marrying one's self is a bit higher up the normality scale than marrying one's pet, which also has tried to become a thing.
But I hope anyone who decides to marry herself takes her would-be guests into consideration. This is one more event for which they'd have to buy cards, buy gifts, buy outfits/dress up, and pay for plane tickets and lodging. That might be a lot to ask of guests who won't get even get to:
• See a kiss. (Of course the late Godfather of Soul, James Brown, once sang of wanting to kiss himself. So perhaps that would be attempted);
• Nosh on an extra cake.
• See two people smashing cake in each other's faces. (Perhaps the self-marrier would compensate by defacing herself.)
• Hear a tipsy brother-in-law make an embarrassing toast. (Perhaps ... well.)
And if these women later go on to marry someone other than themselves, that'll be yet another event to pony up for.
I also wonder how far self-weddings will go in fancy-schmancy-ness. The women mentioned in the story had small, intimate affairs with few or no guests who didn't treat the affairs like jokes. Someone who decides to have a 500-guest self-wedding in a cathedral, with tens of people in the wedding party, might get the side-eye, however.
Then, as a former bridal editor at this newspaper, I also wonder about the self-wedding announcements: "Mary Smith exchanged vows with herself at a ceremony Saturday at the Hifaluting Hotel in Cancun, Mexico ..."
Lastly, I wonder how long this trend will be with us, especially once self-marriers realize they can't get parents to pay for the wedding, can't get any tax breaks and still have only themselves to gripe about when the yard doesn't get mowed or the garbage isn't carried out.
But I do know the importance of self-love, which is highlighted in these ceremonies and which is so essential to our ability to love others. Several vows mentioned in the story:
"I will never leave myself."
"I promise to ask for help when I'm suffering."
"I promise to look in the mirror every day and be grateful."
"I promise to give you [self] the incredible life that you long for."
We all could stand to make such promises. No gowns, flowers and cakes needed.
With this email address, I thee write:
hwilliams@arkansasonline.com
Style on 07/22/2018