As deceased comedian Rodney Dangerfield might have said, "Goats don't get no respect."
This is evident at the website www.urbandictionary.com, where one may find audience-contributed definitions for a wide variety of urban slang. Among those contributions are more than 400 slang terms related to goats, and they are of interest in part because the term "goat rodeo" has made its way into broadcast news at both regional and national levels.
Perhaps its best known television news use was by former George W. Bush Communications Director Nicolle Wallace, who in June 2017 said on MSNBC that the Trump administration's handling of the Mueller investigation was "reminiscent of a goat rodeo."
The Urban Dictionary website's definitions for goat-related slang are primarily negative, and they often contain overt or hidden sexual and racist references; thus for purposes of illustration, the goat-related phrases presented herein were chosen for their humor and/or their political correctness.
Alert readers may ask, "Why should anyone care about goat-related slang?" The answer is that if "goat rodeo" can succeed on television, there's no telling what other goat-related phrases might be heard or read by news consumers in the near future; as a public service, what follows is an attempt to introduce readers to examples of what may lie ahead. All goat-related information below comes directly from the Urban Dictionary website, though some may have been slightly edited for grammar or foul language.
• Goat brigade: An odd-lot collection of sots and rogues who miraculously find each other. Unable to relate to society-at-large, they're at least able to bond with each other as a group.
• Goat dinner: A hodgepodge of food in a single person's fridge, cabinets and freezer that do not make a complete meal. Goat dinners most often are made entirely of carbs and processed foods.
• Goat hairs: Singular hairs on your chin that are particularly annoying.
• Goat hot: Really, really, really hot. So hot that even a goat wouldn't be able to stand it. Typically occurs during humid weather, especially while doing manual labor outdoors.
• Goat monger: If you are in fact a goat monger, you may: 1. make plans and then wimp out on them; 2. speak (often loudly) before thinking; 3. frequently forget to brush your teeth; or 4. possibly have had the same hairstyle since you were 11 years old.
• Goat mouth: A term used in Jamaica to describe people who make negative predictions or hypotheses that actually turn out to be the case.
• Goat music: Music that is so terrible, so simple and so repetitive that a herd of goats probably played a large part in the production.
• Goat neck: A tall, skinny kid with poor coordination who usually runs track.
• Goat parade: Any needlessly festive, over-hyped celebration put on for the benefit of the organizers rather than for the participants. Usually arranged by a governmental agency or a corporation, to show that it is one with the people.
• Goat rodeo: The worst of the three stages of goat-ness. It is beyond profanity. It is about the most polite term used by people in high-risk situations to describe a scenario that requires about 100 things to go right at once if you intend to walk away from it. It is usually said with a defeated tone.
• Goat spray: A perfume or body spray used to ensure that one doesn't smell like a goat. Also, a spray that has been used specifically to cover up and/or mask the smell of body odor, cigarette smoke or any other foul odors.
• Goat track: A golf course in terrible condition.
With this introduction to goat-related slang, readers now should be partially prepared for what may become an integral aspect of future news. In fact, at some point, there may even be a newscast known as Goat News, which clearly would target those who enjoy over-the-top descriptions of current events. It probably won't get any respect.
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Bruce Plopper is a journalism professor emeritus in the UALR School of Mass Communication.
Editorial on 03/25/2019