I knew it was time to go on vacation when my co-workers kept asking, "When are you leaving?" I can take a hint, so Vertis and I headed for the Big Apple.
I can assure you the country's economy is great, based on my theory concerning how much scaffolding can be seen in Manhattan. If they add much more scaffolding to the sidewalks, they will be totally covered.
But that's not why we go to New York. It's the "get away from it all" theory. We live five minutes to everywhere, and when we get peace and quiet up to our ears, we head for somewhere different, and New York is exactly the opposite, because it's not five minutes to anywhere there.
After a stop in Charlotte, N.C.--the walking-airport capital of the world where, as a bonus, the plane had to park on the tarmac, resulting in an extra half-mile walk--we arrived at LaGuardia, which has fourth-world airport facilities that are being destroyed in order to build new ones. It's about time.
Day one: We went straight to Grand Central Station Oyster Bar, where Vertis tried to order a one-crab-cake appetizer as an entree. The waiter said, "We're out of the one-crab-cake appetizers, but we have them as two-crab-cake entrees." (At twice the price,)
I started our trip by embarrassing Vertis and having everyone at the tables around us staring when I said loudly, "Are you kidding? Come on!" The waiter said, "Uh, well, let me check with the chef." Then I said, "Just tell him to do the entree and take one crab cake off."
The table beside us was now laughing. And guess what? For Vertis, the chef did just that. Luckily, the food at the Oyster Bar is worth having to hassle a jack-up-the-ticket waiter.
Day two: We spend a lot of time eating in New York. One of our favorites is Milos, a Greek seafood restaurant. The food is out of this world and so are the prices, but lunch is a fixed price of $36, so we could handle that.
I had a seat that looked out and quickly noticed a big truck with Security plastered on the side; it offered paper shredding and hard drive destruction. Then, on the sidewalk, after a skinny guy walking a greyhound comfort dog went past, a tall, exotic, stop-traffic gal strolled into Milos and sat down right behind me. New York was getting better and better.
Before we left the restaurant a late-middle-age man walked in. Wow. It was like the second coming as the staff came to attention and the chef scurried out of the kitchen. It was the owner of Milos, who has three major restaurants in the city, all with a reputation of excellence.
It was easy to see why as he inspected the restaurant and called attention to every minor infraction, including, horrors, a napkin on the floor. As we left I overheard one of the waiters say, "Well, that was sure a ** surprise."
Day three: Vertis threw me a bone today. She agreed for us to tour the New York City Natural History Museum, the largest in the world. For a geologist-paleontologist, it's a dream come true. But I'll be discreet, and just say it wasn't another fun day for all, but at least we're still speaking. Vertis collapsed on a bench before making it to the fourth floor to see the new T-Rex. Unbelievable!
That night we took in a concert at Carnegie Hall, a special presentation by 20 accomplished musicians with open seating. Tickets were $25, which pretty much says you don't have to buy $500 scalper tickets (if you can find them that cheap) to Hamilton for great entertainment in the city.
Day four: The New York Times was at my hotel door again, and it brought a smile as a remembered how I once relished sitting with a cup of Starbucks and thumbing through the paper. But as I sat down to read it, I had an awkward feeling, as if I had stepped back in time, and it wasn't pleasant.
It occurred to me that I was hooked on reading a digital newspaper, a much superior way to get the news. I'd already read the Democrat-Gazette on my iPad.
We went to Birdland Theater for the Garrison Keillor show later. Remember him from his Prairie Home Companion days? Garrison is 76; he said he's trying to re-invent himself and proceeded, along with a talented young lady, to croon. He's not that bad, but he's not that good either. No Lake Woebegon stories; mostly an old man singing harmony with a young soprano; not the show we came for.
Day five: Sunday, and as usual we attended Calvary Baptist on 57th Street. The church congregation is a melting pot like the city, with a mix of every color and nationality. The message was "You should join the choir" and since Vertis and I are choir members, we thought that would really be a choir promotion message. It was, but not an earthly one; a heavenly choir.
Later that day, while Vertis shopped, I watched the colorful Hispanic Day Parade that went down Fifth Avenue. It featured Hispanic Americans from every country south of the Rio Grande. Wow: a great parade!
Day six: On Monday the Italians put on an even bigger show with the Columbus Day Parade, and I think there are more Italians in New York than in Italy. Since I'm over six feet tall with long arms, I snagged an Italian T-shirt that was being tossed. It has a ready-mix concrete ad on the back, but the front looks Italian.
I noted an increase in bikes, e-bikes, e-scooters, and e-skateboards. If I ever decide to end it all, I'm going to rent an e-skateboard and head down Broadway into Times Square. As those guys flew by, I figured the emergency rooms had better staff up.
Day seven: On our last night we plowed (and that's the word for it) through Times Square to dine at The Palm, a steak and lobster place, and after a Times Square times two plow, I was ready for some peace and quiet.
I'm heading for south Arkansas, where I'm five minutes from everywhere.
Email Richard Mason at richard@gibraltarenergy.com.
Editorial on 10/27/2019