Dear Children of Arkansas,
No matter what happens in the Arkansas state Legislature, you possess inner compassion, grit, and good will that can overpower the ignorant, fearful, and hurtful actions of some of the grownups around you.
There will be times when it won't be easy for you. I know this because I lived in Arkansas and have two children who grew up there. My eldest child is a trans guy. He's an adolescent now, but when he was in the sixth grade, he jumped out of bed, excited to wear a gay rights T-shirt to school. It was black with rainbow letters that read, "Some people are gay. Get over it."
There was an open dress code, but just to be sure I messaged a photo of him wearing it to the drama teacher, and she put a little heart in the corner indicating that she thought it was a pretty spiffy shirt.
Unfortunately, it turned out that not everyone at the school shared this opinion.
Halfway into the morning, I received a phone call from an administrator who explained, "The shirt goes against our dress code. It has the word 'gay' in it, and there are younger children at our school. They might ask their teachers what that word meant, and the teachers might feel uncomfortable because they wouldn't know what to say.
"And, even worse, if the teachers did say anything, it might upset the parents, because this is something that should be talked about at home, not at school."
I'm also an educator, and I had a lot of questions. "If a younger child were to ask, 'What is gay?' wouldn't this be an educative opportunity for a thoughtful teacher to respond in a caring, developmentally appropriate way? Aren't we morally obligated to teach about the validity of divergent family structures? Isn't this a civil rights issue?"
But the administrator was not swayed, and my child was forced to take off the T-shirt and replace it with a shirt from the school's "spirit store."
There are many adults who believe that you shouldn't have access to the education you deserve. You deserve accurate civil rights history lessons. You deserve to know what "gay" and "trans" and "cis" and "non-binary" and many other words mean, and that there is no shame in any of these meanings.
You deserve to learn that there are many ways to make a family. And you deserve to be seen, heard, respected, and honored for the whole amazing human that you are, and welcomed into your rightful place in the circle of people on this planet.
I will tell you why I am confident that your inner goodness can overpower the ignorant, fearful, and hurtful actions of some of the grownups around you. I attended a trans-family virtual meeting a couple of weeks ago. With shaky voices, parents shared harrowing, moving stories about prejudice, eating disorders, and suicide attempts.
When it was my turn, I was able to speak about my child, the one who was raised in Arkansas. I told them about the shirt incident, and how dejected and shamed my child was when I picked him up from school that day.
But I also was able to tell them about other things. Like how he left that school and went to another, and, with the administration's blessing, co-founded the school's first gender-sexuality alliance. And how he and some friends carried the rainbow flag at the front of the Pride Parade; his smile was so beautiful as he held his chin high and raised the brilliant colors above his head against the azure blue sky.
And how he is growing up into an amazing human rights advocate who bravely helps others open their hearts, broaden their minds, and understand that each person has a natural right to be who they are and love who they love.
Like you, he grew up in Arkansas. And so, dear children, if my child can do this, so can you.
There is a remarkable museum in Bentonville called the Momentary; emblazoned from ground to sky on one entire side of the building is a neon message that reads "You Belong Here." Never forget this, dear children of Arkansas. You be you. It's your destiny. It's your calling. It is your natural, universal right.
If you learn this now, one day when you grow up, I am confident that you will help to ensure that it becomes your legal right as well.
In equality,
Heather Gray
Heather Gray, a former resident of Arkansas, lives in Portland, Ore.