January is the month of resolve. Big achievements seem possible on New Year's Day, the sooner the better, before the rest of the year goes to the squirrels. December's visions of sugarplums give way to the new year's hangover haze of bubble-wrap, oatmeal, glass slippers, 12 drummers drumming, 11 hikers hugging, and a partridge in a spare tree.
1 New Year's Day, Diet Resolution Week.
There's more than a pound
In a pound cake,
And more than an ounce
In a quince;
And more than a chance
That a pinch in the pants
Means a person's expanse
Makes him wince.
BEST FEAT FORWARD
First Day Hikes at more 33 state parks in Arkansas including Lake Catherine State Park near Hot Springs, Mount Magazine State Park near Paris and Lake Dardanelle State Park near Russellville. Details at arkansas.com.
GEN. WASHINGTON SNAPS TO IT
Flag-maker Betsy Ross' birthday, 1752.
JANUARY-SCHMANUARY
2 January is named for the two-faced Roman god Janus -- not to be confused with Batman's two-faced nemesis, Two-Face. Either way, it's time to face the first Monday of the new year.
"Another day of wine and roses!" -- Two-Face.
NO PLACE LIKE NOME
3 Alaska admission day, 1959. Alaska admits that culture and affairs in the far north should be reported as all the moose that's fit to print.
SUPER SLURPER
Patented invention of the drinking straw, 1888. Before this handy device, people had nothing to bend into funny little shapes as time goes by and the waitress never comes back.
OOLONG STORY
4 Hot Tea Month, and a three-bag cheer:
Go-go, Pekoe!
Hey-hey, Earl Grey!
Go long, Souchong!
Gooooooo --
Tea. Mm!
DYSFUNCTIONAL PARTRIDGE FAMILY
5 National Bird Day. But science is at a loss to explain so many seasonal reports of partridges in pear trees, according to the Cornell Lab of Ornithology at allaboutbirds.org. Rare is the partridge that would roost all alone in a twiggy tree, the experts say. These birds more often hunker on the ground.
BIRD ON A WIRE
6 The 12th day of Christmas. Lords a'leapin', it's finally over. Santa has left the building.
GLOP AND GO
7 National Oatmeal Month: The splot thickens.
HUNKA, HUNKA BURNIN' CAKE
8 Elvis Presley's birthday, 1935.
IDOL SPECULATION
David O. Dodd: The Life & Legend panel discussion about the "boy martyr of the Confederacy," 2 p.m. at the MacArthur Museum of Arkansas Military History, Little Rock. Details at arkmilitaryheritage.com. Call (501) 376-4602.
HINGED ON THE EVIDENCE
9 Richard Nixon's birthday, 1913. He left the gate open. Ever since Watergate, every other scandal has a "gate" on the end of it.
GARDENGATE
10 The lurid affair of the passion flower and the blushing bromeliad brings shame-faced humiliation to Houseplant Appreciation Day.
KISS-KISS, BANG-BANG
Broadway musical-comedy A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder, through Jan. 15 at Walton Arts Center, Fayetteville. Details at waltonartscenter.org. Call (479) 443-5600.
CHANGE FOR A TWENTY
11 Alexander Hamilton's birthday, 1755. The nation's first Secretary of the Treasury is the face on the $10 bill, but $10 won't buy a ticket to Hamilton.
BACK TO THE BAT FAVE
12 TV premiere of Adam West as Batman in 1966. West remains a favorite for his portrayal of the Caped Crusader, according to the latest bat poll.
GOT THE HORSE RIGHT HERE
13 Oaklawn Racing opening day, live racing through April 15, Hot Springs. Details at oaklawn.com. Call (800) 625-5296.
FIT FOR A PRINCE
Broadway musical Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella through Jan. 15 at Robinson Center Performance Hall, Little Rock. Details at celebrityattractions.com. Call (501) 244-8800.
PIQUE OF INTEREST
Intimate Apparel, weekends Jan. 13-28 at The Weekend Theater, Little Rock. Details at weekendtheater.org. Call (501) 374-3761.
WASHINGTON SLAPPED HERE
14 Benedict Arnold's birthday, 1741. New York's Saratoga National Historical Park remembers the notorious traitor with a statue that celebrates just one part of him, namely: (A) His ear that was boxed by George Washington; (B) The unmitigated gall that he had a lot of, or (C) His legacy of a leg.
Answer at Jan. 25.
GOING, GOING, GOWN
15 Arkansas Democrat-Gazette Bridal Show, 12:30-5 p.m. at the Statehouse Convention Center, Little Rock. Details at arkansasbridalcommunity.com. Call (501) 378-3807.
MARCHING ORDERS
16 Martin Luther King Jr's Birthday, the state and federal holiday; and Robert E. Lee's Birthday, the state holiday.
CHICKEN NOODLE DOODLE-DO
17 National Soup Month. Give a man a hammer, and everything looks like a nail. Give a man a spoon, and everything looks better with a sandwich on the side.
CHRISTOPHER ROBIN HOBNOBBIN'
18 Pooh Day cheers the silly-willy-nilly ol' bear and Winnie-the-Pooh author A.A. Milne's birthday, 1882.
PURSUIT OF POPPINESS
19 Don't blow the lid off. National Popcorn Day is just another cache in the pan.
POTUS 'R' US
20 Presidential inauguration day.
AERIE TALE
Eagles founding member Don Henley, 7:30 p.m. at Robinson Center Performance Hall, Little Rock. Details at ticketmaster.com. Call (800) 745-3000.
WADDLE-I-DO
Penguin Awareness Day.
"The Penguin and I have a score to settle." -- Batman
SPLISH SPLASH
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Is today your birthday? If so, there's only one thing better than being the water bearer, and that's pizza deliveryman. Join the streaming celebration with Little Rock native Gil Gerard (TV's Buck Rogers), 74 on Jan. 23; and singer Alicia Keys, 36 on Jan. 25.
CHILDREN OF THE ACORN
21 Squirrel Appreciation Day, National Hugging Day. And remember: He who hugs a member of the rodent family Sciuridae has the whole squirrel in his hand.
LEADER OF THE PACK
22 Old January was called Wolfmonth to warn that hungry wolves are on the prowl. But a person can't stay in the house all month -- television just doesn't have that much football. So here's how to keep from being eaten by the Big Bad Wolf:
• The Three Little Pigs method: Keep the fireplace lighted to surprise the big blow-hard when he comes down the chimney.
• The Red Riding Hood strategy: Always know where to find the nearest woodsman.
• What the Boy Who Cried Wolf should have done: Shut up! -- and hang up on telephone scammers. What biiiiiggggg teeth they have.
MADE FROM SCRATCH
23 National Handwriting Day: canceled because nobody could read the memo.
GLITTER BUGS
24 California gold rush. The old clamor happened in 1848. The next will be when Apple puts out the iPhone 8.
BENEDICT CRUMBLEBOTCH
25 Statue of limitations quiz answer: (C) Arnold's sore leg -- injured when he fought on the American side in the Battle of Saratoga.
NUN THE WISER
Musical Sister Act through Feb. 26 at Arkansas Repertory Theatre, Little Rock. Details at therep.org. Call (501) 378-0405.
MANY HAPPY RETURNS
26 Gen. Douglas MacArthur's birthday, 1880, in Little Rock.
WALL EYED
27 "Herman Maril: The Strong Form of Our Experience" modernist oil show and "Ansel Adams: Early Works" landscape photography exhibit through April 16 at the Arkansas Arts Center, Little Rock. Details at arkansasartscenter.org. Call (501) 372-4000.
HUMMING ALONG
28 How to celebrate National Kazoo Day: Hum a few bars and fake it.
FLAT TRUTH
29 Kansas Admission Day, 1861. Kansas admits the state has to do something about Topeka -- either change the name or go borrow a peak.
THE PITH AND THE PENDULOUS
The New York Evening Mirror publishes "The Raven" by an anonymous poet later to be revealed as Edgar Allan Poe, in 1845, but the author's payment of $15 is nothing to crow about.
WRAP, CRACKLE AND POP
30 Bubblewrap Appreciation Day starts with a bang and ends with a pffft.
THE AIR UP THERE
Harlem Globetrotters, 7 p.m. at Wildcat Arena, El Dorado, includes a memorial to Globetrotters star Reece "Goose" Tatum, an El Dorado native. Details at mainstreeteldorado.org. Call (870) 862-4747.
NET ASSETS
31 Harlem Globetrotters, 7 p.m. at Verizon Arena, North Little Rock. Details at verizonarena.com. Call (501) 975-9000.
DRAWING STRAUSS
Arkansas Symphony Orchestra "River Rhapsodies" chamber music concert of Strauss and Debussy compositions, 7 p.m. at Clinton Presidential Center, Little Rock. Details at arkansassymphony.org. Call (501) 666-1761.
Coming next month: February! Call (501) 399-3633, write to Ron Wolfe, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, 121 E. Capitol Ave., Little Rock, Ark. 72203, or email
rwolfe@arkansasonline.com
by Jan. 15 to suggest February calendar entries or how to celebrate February as National Grapefruit Month, such as: Be alert, avoid a squirt. Each event requires a phone number that is answered during business hours or by an answering machine that identifies the event or its sponsor.
Style on 12/27/2016